Come Back Kid

Yesterday marked the one year anniversary of my grandfather's death.

The events of that day just kept replaying in my head all day yesterday. I had woken up that morning to a panicked phone call from my cousin, Taiylor. She didn't know for sure what was going on, but had said that they had come to get my aunt so it must be serious. I paced my room for a while debating whether I should go to Versailles or not, but ultimately decided that no matter the outcome, I needed to be with my family. I got dressed and headed out. I had made it just past BNL when I got a text from my stepmother telling me he had passed. I made it to Brownstown before I had to pull over and try to gather myself.

When I got to the house some time later, there were a lot of people there. I parked at the bottom of the hill and took off running. All I could think about was hugging my father and telling him I loved him.

After arriving and spending a few minutes talking to people, Taiylor and I decided we needed to get out of that house. "Creeper" was of course being his little pedophile self, and neither of us were exactly in the mood for it. We went and sat at the McDonald's for a while, till we heard from Shelby and figured out that no one had been able to get a hold of Grandma Opal.

We immediately got up and headed over there. We knocked on the door. When she opened the door and saw us standing there, she broke down. We didn't even need to say it. Us showing up unannounced said it all.

We spent the rest of the day sitting around talking and just being with each other. While sitting and chatting at McDonald's, Taiylor and I had decided that we should light the bell that night. When we went back over to Pappaw's we brought up our idea, and we were told we had to wait for "Creeper" (Mind you, she didn't actually call him Creeper. But, if the shoe fits...) to get home. When he got home, he gave us the run around and basically said we weren't going to do it. To which I said, "I'm not asking you. I'm telling you." At that point, Dad got up and went outside to turn it on.

Anyone who would've known that house or the man that lived there, would know what it meant. Our family all stood at the bottom of the hill arm and arm, crying and remembering the man behind the bell.

I drove home that night broken hearted. When I walked up to my back door, I found a Coke and Starburst sitting there waiting for me. My girls had left me a little something to let me know they were thinking of me. It was comforting to know that I had a support system behind me.

It's been a rough year, but I'm confident that Pappaw Joe would be proud of me despite things not going as I planned. He always was a bragger....and an exaggerator. He loved bragging on his kids and grand kids. (Wonder where I got that from.) I love him very much, and he is missed.
News report done on Pappaw Joe

I know you are all thinking, "Wow. Way to be Debbie Downer." Stick with me.

Things clearly have not gone as I had planned them in my head, but that doesn't mean that they haven't gone well. I've finally realized that things aren't always going to go as I plan them. I just like to pretend like I'm in control here, but I'm not really. I ultimately am in charge of the final decision, but there are always other factors to consider than what I originally anticipated. That whole deviating from the plan thing really freaks me out sometimes.

Coming back to Evansville really freaked me out because it meant that I had to face my failures. No one likes to do that. However, I'm doing what I came here to do. I had a 3.6 GPA last semester. This semester I am retaking the 3 classes I failed the last time I was here, and I'm doing really well. It's crazy what you can accomplish when you study and actually show up for class. Weird.

Work is going very well too. I had my 60 day evaluation a few weeks ago. Given it was a few months after the 60 days, but that's neither her nor there. However, it went very well and my boss said that some of the associates commented on how mature I was for my age, (They clearly don't know me very well.) in the way that I deal with situations that occur. It took everything I had not to giggle when he was saying all of that.

I'm also living in a big girl apartment. I kind of live in a retirement community. I believe I am the youngest resident. The hall ways smell like my Grandma Opal's apartment entry. It's homie. lol. This is the first time 1) I have ever paid rent, and 2) Not lived on a college campus or with my mommy. I'm becoming a big girl.

So, Readers, what's the point of all of this? Things aren't always going to go as we want to them to, but that doesn't mean that good things aren't on the horizon. You can always come back. Readers, go make your come back!

"Let the drummer kick that."

Mr. Tolliver died Thursday.

I woke up Friday morning to be phone blowing up from various people. I finally decided to answer when I saw that it was my mother calling me. She said, "I wanted to talk to you before you got on facebook." To which I said, "What happened?" "Mr. Tolliver died in his sleep last night."

Needless to say I was a mess. It took me a while to gain my composer enough to call into work and to get myself ready. I know how awful this sounds, but it's the truth. I'm more upset about losing him then I was about losing my grandfather. And let's be honest. He was the closest thing I had to a grandfather in this town. It's like losing three grandfather's in one year.

I took Tolliver's class my freshman year of high school, and had I not taken it then my high school career would've looked vastly different. Going into my freshman year, I went out for the SADD board but didn't make it. Tolliver encouraged me all year to stay involved in all the various activities SADD had. When it came time to go out for the board again, he really pushed me to go out for it again.

I knew going into it, that I had it. I realize that sounds cocky, but if Tolliver wanted you on the board, you were on the board. Regardless of what the officers wanted. I then went on to become the Vice-President, and then President.

When I graduated, I left with the intention to become the next Gerald Tolliver. I went to Indiana State (Tolliver's ado moder) as a Social Studies Ed major. I had even talked to Tolliver about when he planned on retiring. Now, I may not have continued with Social Studies Ed, but I did do half of what I set out to do which was to take over SADD when he retired.

SADD and Gerald Tolliver were a big part of my high school career. I was Tolliver's student helper my junior and senior years of high school. I hated my 6th period class my senior year, so I would go to Tolliver's room everyday during that class and then I was his student helper for 7th period. I basically spent the last half of my day in that room.

Tolliver was one of the few teachers I had that I was positive cared about who Lindsay Slone was, and who I was going to become. Even after graduating we stayed in touch. He knew my life better than most, and he always encouraged me to keep pushing forward.

I truly loved him, and my heart is broken. He will be missed greatly.

Somethings I learned from Gerald Tolliver:
-Culture is the way of life of a group of people.
-Norms are group shared rules of behavior.
-Anyways is not a word. It is anyway.
-"To be early is to be on time. To be on time is to be late. To be late, is to be left behind."
-I was worth something to someone.
-"Do what's best for the students. People are always going to be critical of what you are doing, but remember why you are there. Put the students first."

Six Weeks Is Too Long

I got to see my girls this weekend!

It had been almost 2 months since I had seen Lydia, 6 weeks since I had seen Rebecca and Melissa, and 5 weeks since I had seen Alayna. Needless to say I jumped each of them when I saw them. Melissa might of had her head smack off the wall, and I might of slightly knocked the wind out of Rebecca. Whoopsie. They're fine. It's fine.

It was a crazy busy weekend, but I loved it. I got time with both Moyra and Seb. I got to have dinner with Ashton. I got to hangout with Michele. I had breakfast with my parents, and I actually got to see Jennifer. Crazy. And.....I got to sleep in a real bed. It was a good weekend.

Friday, I went to the pep session at the high school. It wasn't what I expected, which is a good thing. It started off with the band leading a parade through the high school. I thought that was pretty cool. The teachers did a flash mob, and almost all the teachers participated. Even the ones who usually don't participate in fun. Then they played a teacher volleyball game. It was slightly entertaining.

The reason I went to the pep session is because SADD was a having a "Kiss the Pig" contest. The teacher that raised the most money would have to kiss a pig. In my head I pictured a baby pig, but this thing was huge. It was actually one of the SADD Sponsors that had to kiss it. Things seem to be going really well with SADD this year, and I'm so happy about that. I'm glad it was left in good hands.

This is going to be another crazy week. Em's wedding is this weekend so the week will consist of taking care of all the last minute things. I can't wait for the wedding though. We have a stretch Hummer to take us from the church to the reception. It's going to be a good night.

Now to go and try to be productive.

Reality? What's that?

I finally found an appropriate sized bowl for my air popped popcorn. And it's green, so double win.

I'm sitting here with my delicious popcorn, listening to some Glee, and enjoying some alone time.

Sometimes in life, you just need a time out. I need some time to just chill and clear my head. There is so much crap going through my mind, that it's hard to process everything or think clearly. For example: Today while at Walmart, I went to the bathroom. I walked in and was like "Where are all the stalls?". It was then that I noticed the urinals. AND the whole 1st week of being here, I could not get my key to go into the lock of my apartment. It was so frustrating. I finally threw my keys and told my roommate to figure it out. That's when I found out I had been using my key to the church building to try to get into my apartment. I've been so scatter brained.

I went home this past weekend because 1) CallieAnn was going to be in Mitchell and 2) it was going to be my last chance for a while. Within the first hour of being in Mitchell, I remembered why I fought so hard to get out of there. The weekend wasn't necessarily bad. In fact, I got to visit with some people who really made me feel better about life. Those people are a real encouragement to me. I got to surprise Moyra, and I jumped on Seb when I saw him. We got to have some really good cousin time with just the three of us. I missed those two like crazy.

I did get to return here with a slightly different mind set. Sometimes it just takes saying things out loud, to help you sort through things and get a different perspective. I'm done sitting here, stressing about life. I could let all this stuff cut me down, or I could get up and do something about it. I'm choosing to do something about it. I'm going to work hard this semester and get a kick ass GPA. I'm going to work and save money, so that I can get an apartment next year. (Planning for the future. Very adult of me. Ha!) I'm going to enjoy the time I have with my friends here. I'm going to start working on my relationship with God, and let that be what drives me. It's time to stop letting other things decide my outlook. It's time to do something different.

Today is Melissa's 19th birthday. Happy Birthday to my adopted Little Sister. I love you!

(The picture is from Monday morning. Dad made french toast for breakfast. Yum!)

Backtracking

Sometimes, life doesn't go as you planned it.

I was suppose to move to Nashville Saturday; however, instead I moved back to Evansville.

I won't get into all the logistics of that mess, but I will say money is a bitch. I'm not going to lie, I'm more than a little bitter about being here. I didn't leave USI because I didn't like it. I left because I didn't do well and needed to get my act together, which I did. I just graduated Magna Cum Laude and have come back to a place where I am on academic probation. It's hard for me to wrap my mind around that. I didn't want to have to come back here because it is a constant reminder of my failures. I put all that past me, and yet here I am reliving it. It's hard for me to get past that.

I will say I felt a little better about life after I went to class. It wasn't because it was a particularly interesting class. It helped put things back into perspective for me, and remind me why I am here. I do have a goal, and I just have to keep pushing through so I can accomplish it. I kind of feel like this was God's way of telling me that I need to finish something I start.

I rarely stick with the things I start. I was always taught that when things get difficult it's best to give up and walk away. I'm still trying to get out of that. The two things I have stuck with the longest have been subbing at Mitchell, and helping with the youth group at the MCOC. I just have to keep reminding myself why I am here. There is a goal.

I had the option of staying home another semester, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I did find out that I would've had a place to live so that I could be a real adult; however, I was offered that about a week too late. To be honest, I think had I stayed, I wouldn't have finished school at all. I had to do this, even if it isn't the ideal situation. At least I'm fighting for something I want. At least I'm actually setting goals and making every effort to accomplish them. I have come a long way in the past three years. I just have to apply all that here this time around.

Already today, I have run into 5 of my former students and both of my cousins. Every time I ran into a student I just said, "Surprise!". Sigh.

Pluses of being back in Evansville:
1) I'm not in Mitchell.
2) I'm working towards a goal.
3) One of my best friends is here.

I'm sure I'll think of other pluses at some point, but that's what you get for now. I have to make the best out of this crummy situation. Stay posted.