Deafening Silence

One of my students committed suicide in the wee hours of the morning.

I found out this morning while I was at the school doing SADD sign ups. One of the teachers pulled me aside to let me know what was going on. 

My first thought was, "That was that goofy kid I had in Advanced Psych yesterday."

My second thought was about all of the students who would soon be finding out about it.

I spent most of my day thinking about the 3 students that my senior class lost before we graduated. Angel Finn who died in a car accident on April 7, 2004. It was a Wednesday. Maggie Compton who died in a car accident May 27, 2005. It was a Friday. Tim Egan who died January 12, 2006. It was a Thursday.

I remember all of those days very vividly. I could give you details about those days.

I thought a lot about Tim Egan today.

Here's how that day went: I went through my normal routine. Woke up at 7:45, threw some clothes on, brushed my teeth, and went to school. After school I had a job babysitting the Hamilton kids. When their father got home, I went home. I walked in the door and checked my messages on the machine. There was one from Tolliver saying that I needed to call him back. So I did.....He told me Tim had been found hanging in his home. It was his little sister that found him. That night an old friend called me to check on me. She knew the next day would be rough. She knew since I was the SADD president that I would be in the Library the next day, and she knew that I would need to be strong for my fellow classmates.

There was this deafening silence that reign through out the seniors that day at school. No one really talked. We were all just so numb. He was the 3rd classmate we had lost in a 3 year period. And the way he died......it still haunts me.

I will never forget any of those days. No matter how hard I try. They will forever be burned into my memory.

Days of Disappointment

Do you ever have those days where you look around and just have to ask yourself, Why?

Just why?

I had a student tell me today that an adult in her life told her that she would probably spend the rest of her life working at McDonald's. (shakes head)

What kind of adult tells a 17 year old, kid that?

Ridiculous.

I recently had a concerned teacher approach me about all the fights that are happening in the high school. We had a good little chat about it, and about the possibility of SADD doing something to address it.

I've been thinking about that a lot today.

We all wonder why these kids have so little respect for themselves and others, but isn't that what we are showing them? Adults who are telling them that they are never going to amount to anything. That they are going to spend the rest of their lives in the fast food industry. If you were a teenager being told all of that, wouldn't you be angry? Wouldn't you have little self worth?

These kids, whether people realize it or not, listen to what we say to them as adults. If they are being told over and over that they probably will not succeed, then they stop trying. They stop trying to improve themselves. They settle for where they are. They act out because, well, what does it matter if you're just working hard enough to get that job at McDonald's?

Hey Adults, it starts with us. All it takes is some faith in these kids. Some encouraging words. Showing them that they can achieve something and be successful. It's starts with our attitude towards them.

Shame to the person who tells a child that they can not achieve their goals. Shame on you.

"My hands are small I know, but they're not yours. They are my own. I am never broken. We are never broken." --Jewel

What? What? What are you doing?

Today was a busy day.

I spent most of my day trying to get caught up on some projects for typography. Drag.

While sitting in the computer room, my phone began to ring. It was Beth Parsley, and when Beth Parsley calls it plays 'Snap Yo Fingers' by Lil Jon. The black girl sitting at the computer behind me started laughing. No joke.

Then I spent about an hour finishing up Seb's pictures. I'm almost done with them. There is just one minor issue I need to consult my photography guide about. Guide? Person? Person.

Then I had an advising appointment at 3:30 to discuss what needs to happen about classes, and graduation, and Lipscomb, and whether its worth me staying here an extra semester. I'm not sure it really helped. He seemed confused as to why I was under his advisement. So that was really promising.

At 4:30 I had the call out meeting for Phi Theta Kappa; which is this international honor society for 2 year colleges. Apparently I am intelligent. Shock.

Lot's of scholarship opportunity if I do it, so it would be in my best interest to do it.

I still haven't decided for sure if I will go a head and leave in the fall for Lipscomb or if I will go a head and finish my degree at Ivy Tech. I'm leaning towards finishing the degree because I think having it will help me in the long run. It's just the whole idea of being in Mitchell another 4 months that is a real bumber.

After all my meetings were over I met an old friend for dinner. It was nice catching up, and she is now home from school so that means someone to hang with. So I'm pretty happy about that.

AND what made my day so fantastic?????

I am now the Mitchell High School SADD advisor for the 2010-2011 school year! I am super pumped!

SADD was very important to me in high school, and I'm looking forward to being able to work with these teens to get them fired up and passionate about it too.

Random: The Sassy Gay Friend videos have been playing in my head today.

Evacuation Necessary

I had a dream this morning that I was showing someone different building materials. One was brick, one was plastic, one was concrete, and the other rubber. For some reason the rubber stunk really bad. I couldn't figure out why. Like it bothered me bad enough that I had to wake up. Normally that's when the nasty stench would go away. Right? No!

A stupid skunk got under our house, and sprayed its nasty everywhere. Now everything in the house is all nasty smelling. You can even smell it outside as you are walking up to the house. It's that bad.

This morning, I went to church not realizing that I brought the nasty with me till half way through the service. Then I made Seb smell my clothes. He was not appreciative of that. Then my aunt said something about the skunk smell at lunch today.

Yea. It is that bad.

I've decided that it is necessary for me to evacuate the house this evening. I don't want to be the smelly kid in class tomorrow. I don't think my classmates or my professors would be appreciative of that.

I'm packing a bag and getting up outta here.

Stupid Skunk

Stories of A Substitute Take #3

Yesterday I subbed for Jessica Morgan. She teaches freshman biology.

This years freshman were in the 4th grade when I was a senior.

Several of the kids that I had in my 4th class when I was student teacher, were in my class yesterday. I had told them back then that by the time they were freshman, I would be the new Gerald Tolliver. I would be teaching at Mitchell High School and they would be my students all over again. ......

So....part of that kind of happened. I am a sub at Mitchell High School. I am just not a legit teacher there.

I chose to take a different path for a while. One day I will be a teacher. Probably not at Mitchell High School, but I will be teaching theater some where.

It was exciting to get to see my students that I had back then. I had one kid in the hall way do a double take; Like he thought he might know me but wasn't sure. Then I had one girl run up and give me a hug. I think she was kind of excited to see me.

I'm looking forward to this year with the students at MHS.

The Monday Blues

Mondays are my longest days.

I have 3 classes on Mondays.

The first being Fundamentals of Design. I think I have a love hate relationship with this class. I'm not exactly good at drawing. Not my forte. I think my professor can see the fear in my eyes when she is explaining what we are suppose to do. Luckily, she has been really helpful so that makes me like the class a little better, and makes me want to work harder. I'm learning new things in there too which makes me like a little more.

My second class is the Sociology of Relationships and Families. This is my favorite class. I really like the subject and I feel like I'm learning a lot in there. The professor is very up beat and involves us in the lesson. Most classes you don't want to ask questions or comment in, but this class is not like that. It's interesting to get all the different views from my classmates. Yesterday, we talked about race and ethnicity and did a little activity that was designed to make us uncomfortable and laugh. And we all know how much I love a good stereo type and to make people uncomfortable. We got a paper with different ethnic groups on it and we had to write out 5 stereo types of those groups. When you hear all the stereo types you realize how stupid stereo typing is. Then we watched an episode of 30 Days which is by the same guy who did the documentary about McDonald's. In this episode a christian man from West Virgina went to live with a Muslim family for 30 days. It was really interesting. There are a lot of things about that religion that I didn't know. People of this faith really do get a bad wrap because of September 11.

My third class, and my least favorite, is typography. I have no idea what is going on in that class. None. The guy who is teaching, is an older man who has never taught before. He talks and talks and never gets to a point. And we ask questions to try and understand what he wants, and get even more confused. I know he is trying so I'm trying to give the class the benefit of the doubt. I had high hopes for this class because a friend really liked typography when she took, and then I get there and am very disappointed. Hopefully it will get better. I guess that just means that I am going to have to work extra hard in this class so that he at least knows I'm making an effort even if I have no idea what I'm doing. (shrugs)

The best part of my Monday.....CallieAnn text me to say she was coming up Friday. So pumped!

One-Eyed Margaret

Today I took a trip to Holton, Indiana. It was the Day Family Reunion.

I found out about it last night. Win.

I was the youngest person there today. Literally.

I got to see Pappaw and talk to him a little, and he showed me off to some of his family. He likes to brag about the grand kids. Makes me feel good to hear it. Of course he likes to spin stories a little. Like today he told someone I was running for the Senate. He's a tricky one.

I also got to have a good chat with my Aunt Sandy. I always enjoy the time I get with her.

And of course, as custom at a Day Family Reunion, no one leaves empty handed. Thus, I now own a red, one-eyed, Christmas goose. I named her Margaret. She road shot gun on the way home so I made sure to buckle her seat belt. Safety first. (shakes head)

After the reunion I drove into the big town of Versailles to visit Grandma Opal. We got to have a good chat. It was nice to be able to spend the day with my grandparents and my aunt, and my goose. ;)

Artsy Fartsy

Today I went to the 4th St Art Festival, in Bloomington. I enjoyed the art and the company with me.

I have an appreciation for art. I'm not the best artist, but I'd like to think I'm kinda artsy fartsy.

Art that I really appreciate:
Photography-I am a photographer so it interest me to see the work of other photographers; especially those who have been at it for a while. I like to look at more advanced photographers work to inspire and challenge myself.
Theater- (Sigh). The art of acting. I love theater. I love acting. You get to step outside of yourself for a little while and be something different. Stepping out of your reality into something different, while at the same time trying to make it real to someone else. That sounds so stupid, but it makes sense in my head.
Music- I have a huge appreciation for music. I think it is just amazing how someone can take lyrics and beats and conform them into this masterpiece. My favorite song is "I'll Be Missing You" by Puff Daddy, Faith Evans, and 112. I was 10 years old when I first heard that song and it really amazed me how someone could take what they were feeling and put it into a song like that. I know most of you are shocked. You thought I would pick a Michael Jackson song as my favorite song ever. Tricky tricky.
Dance- Dancing might be the most fascinating to me. The way a person can manipulate their body to the beat of a song is just really fascinating. In general I prefer hip-hop. I mean I like all sorts of dance, but there is just something about hip-hop that I love.


I also enjoy paintings, functional pottery, sculptures, and architecture.

Art I don't enjoy is jewelry. I'm not real big on jewelry. It's not my thing. The only piece of jewelry I plan on wearing on a regular basis will be my wedding ring.

I went into Lowe's with my sister today and looked around. As weird as it sounds I love going in these places and picking out bathroom tiles and paint colors and appliances and kitchen stuff and etc. I find enjoyment out of it because one day I will be a real adult with a big girl place of my own that I will get to design. Weird, but there it is.

Fun Fact: I'm a sucker for a good string instrument.