Old Stuff

So back in the day when I attended ISU, I took a creative writing class. This is something I came across today. The assignment was to write a poem using the alphabet to start each line. I forgot I still had it.

My Alphabets
Anger builds inside me
Bursting to get out
Controlling my emotions.

Danger flashes in my eyes
Everyone senses my warning
Fleeing the scene.

Guilt spreads through my soul
Hovering over me
Ignoring my cries for help.

Juggling my emotions
Kicking and screaming
Laughing in my face.

My lungs burn from screaming
Normality has left me
Opening my scars to the world.

Pretending not to care
Quickly I run to hide
Remembering my past.

Sulking about my future
Terrified of what is to come
Unable to cope.

Wondering why it all started
Visualizing my past
X-raying my memory.

You were why it started, and
Zipping the bag closed, you end it.


It's interesting and disturbing to look back on this. I was still in a real funk when I wrote that. It's disturbing to read this and to see that pain that I was feeling then. However, its interesting to read this and see how far I've come in the past 3 years.

At the time it felt like I would never escape that, but I did. My sister told me something wise once. She said to never let anybody bring me down; that no one has enough power to do that unless I let them.

I eventually got out of that funk. God's been good to me even through the funks I've gone through. He always sees me though it. God is good.

Remember Me?

So I basically disappeared for awhile. Sorry to my 5 readers.

The past couple months have been crazy. Between finishing my biology class strong, two weeks of camp in a row, a wedding, senior pictures, G5.1 stuff, job hunting, and school starting back up. It's been crazy.

So at church today Allen showed this video about this guy who was in the 1992 Olympics. He was favored to win this race, but pulled a hamstring shortly into the race. And then his father came and helped him finish the race.

I couldn't watch it. I think its common knowledge that I have daddy issues. So anything mushy like that with a dad and his child gets me every time.

While I was trying to ignore the video I had one of those random memories from my past pop into my head. When I was 8 years old my dad took me, my sister, and my cousin Shelby to Colorado with him and his now ex-wife, to visit her family. I remember that one of the "cousins" had this go cart and they let me drive it. They put the helmet on my head, but didn't strap it down or the seat belt. I was driving around the neighbor hood which was on the side of a mountain. Remember it's Colorado. Lots of mountainous, rocky areas. Anyway, I came around a corner too fast, and ran straight into a rock wall. I flew out of the go cart, the helmet flew off my head, and I ran my head into the wall. It took a minute for all of it to hit me. But the first thing I remember is seeing my father run towards me really fast, and I had no idea why. It's probably the fastest I've ever seen him run.  Clearly I was fine. I don't really remember much else from that. I think I probably had a wicked headache after that. But all I remember is my dad running toward me. .........

Tonight in our LIFE group we talked about encouragement, and took turns going around the room saying who the most encouraging people were in our lives, and then went through and said encouraging things to everyone in the group. I had a few encouraging people, though I think the most encouraging person in my life at the moment is probably Jean Sowders. Getting into graphic design/ photography was from her influence. I have always found photography interesting, and I think from being around her working while I spent time with her girls, kind of rubbed off on me. She has been very helpful with my classes and was basically a life savior with my last semester with all the work from my graphic design classes. She is just a really good christian influence in my life who encourages me to keep pushing forward.

Sometimes a little piece of encouragement can go a long way. I lose sight of why I'm doing what I'm doing sometimes when things get difficult, but I have people, like Jean, who encourage me to keep pushing forward and remind me why I'm doing it. I have a really good LIFE group with some really wonderful people who are very good about showing encouragement to one another. Tonight was a good reminder of what I'm doing here and why I'm doing it.

Readers....Be encouraging to someone around you this week. And remember to always keep pushing forward.