Dream Dream Dream

So I had a frightening dream last night.

I was pregnant.

Apparently I had gone to some frat party and well....Yea know. Haha. Anyway, for some reason I was suppose to be carrying my sister's baby for her. Like a surrogate. However, I had forgotten about the frat party. The baby I was carrying was actually my baby, and not Jennifer's. It was very soap operaish.

I woke up in a cold sweat. Freaked me out. I think I need to cut back on the caffeine or something.

Today, in my Fundamentals of Design class the Professor used one of my pieces as an example of how to do it. That made me feel really good. I got it right! We are actually doing something kind of cool. We are painting with 3 different colors, but trying to make it look like four colors. That's probably not a real great description. All the same its pretty neat.

While staring off into space today, I started thinking about lesson plans. I made lesson plans in my head today for when I am teaching. Then when I woke up out of it, I got really excited. I'm really excited to become a teacher. Craziness.

At church tonight, Gary pointed me out as someone who is the same with everyone. Who I am with one person I am with another. I try to be constant. Trying to be someone different with different people is really exhausting. Trust me. Been there. Done that. It's hard to keep up. It's a lot easier to just be one person with everyone. Those who don't like who I am probably aren't worth having around anyway.

Seb and I worked some more on 'In My Suit' today. We are almost finished with the 2nd verse. It's coming along nicely.

A whole lot of randomness tonight. But then again, that's kind of the point of my blog.

"Sun's Gonna Rise In A Mile. In A Mile I'll Be Feeling Fine"

Sunday was a wonderful day.

It was nice to be able to get away, by myself, for a day.

I went to Evansville Sunday to spend sometime with a friend of mine, Emily. Emily and I roomed together at ISU. Clearly neither of us enjoyed Indiana State. Anyway, I went down to see her and to take engagement pictures for her and Travis. It was kind of rainy out, but we got a lot of really good shots.

AND.....Emily and Travis asked me to be in the wedding as a Bridesmaid. How exciting is that? Let me answer that for ya. It's super exciting!

(Side Note: While down there I was feeling them in on the craziness that has been going down in Mitchell lately. Travis said he knew some people from Mitchell. First name given, Hailey Tuell. So I told him I had just seen Hailey, and the unfortunate circumstances as to why. Travis knew Peter. He and Peter pledged the same fraternity, and had classes together. Peter had introduced Travis to Hailey. I'm just saying that it's bananas. Straight up, craziness this is.)

After time with Emily and Travis I went and had dinner with Ivy. We got to have a nice visit. I missed that kid. I really enjoyed getting to spend time with her.

After my time with Ivy, I headed off to see Jalayna. We got to have a nice visit too.

It was just so wonderful to get to spend time with these four people. It was a wonderful Sunday.

I didn't get home till 1AM, and I was falling asleep in my classes Monday. Which, by the way, I don't suggest doing while you have a paint brush in your hand. However, it was totally worth it.


(Another Side Note: So Friday was the Phi Theta Kappa induction. It was kind of jank, but it made my mommy happy. Anyway, they had us kind of numbered off, and by that I mean there were 3 seats that needed to remain empty for the 3 new officers. So they have us numbered off on who will be in the first row according to the whole 3 empty chairs. I was suppose to be the last normal inductee in the front row. We get out there and it looked like they had numbered wrong so I went a head to the next row, only to look up and notice a gap in the chairs. The two people on either side of it looked confused. So to make a long story short. I sat in the wrong chair at my "smart person" induction. Fail.)

On the way home from class last night I was flipping through the radio channels, and noticed a familiar song on one of the Christian stations. I don't usually listen to the Christian stations because they don't have enough of that "soul" music that I listen to. ;) Anyway, there is a line in the song that says: "I'm going back to the heart of worship and it's all about you. It's all about you, Jesus." Got me thinking.

I've been really stressed lately. I have all this stuff stressing me out like school, trying to find yet another job, learning and executing my new role with SADD, working against dead lines with pictures, dealing with obnoxious people, family affairs, deaths.

I have a hard time handing stuff over and realizing that I am only one person and can not take the world on by myself. I think I'm still in this mind set that I am Super Woman. My focus has gone to all of these things, and my relationship with God has faded into the back ground. I'm on edge alot which I think people are starting to pick up on, and I can see my poor attitude reflected on to other people.

I really need to stop trying to fix everything on my own because I am only one person, and can not handle everything on my own. Sometimes though, guilt sets in and I feel like I have to fix things. I can't keep thinking like that or I will be digging myself an all too familiar hole.

It's time to start baby stepping out of this.

"Baby step through the office. Baby step to the hall. Baby step onto the elevator. AHHHHH!"

'At A Girl

Last night was the first sectional game for Mitchell Volleyball. I went down with Beth, Curt, Abby, Melissa, and Lizzy. The girls played very well. Especially that Burris kid. She had some great digs.

Also shout out to Schlegel who I heard scrape across the floor a couple of times while going after the ball. And to Trev who was a beast last night.

The girls won their first sectional game in 3. They did well, and I know they are all very excited.

Good skill on Saturday, Lady Jackets!!

We picked Abby up on our way to the game last night. She lives out in the middle of no where. Anyway, as we are heading back to the high way we pass this old abandoned house. I freaked out. It was the house where mine and Ashton's trespassing phase started.

One day we decided to just take a drive on the country roads. We just wanted to get lost, and that we did. However, we came across this house. We stopped because there was this old piano sitting on the front porch, and Ashton wanted to take pictures of it. So we got out and took pictures of it, and then walked around the property some. In the back yard there was an old fashioned "dryer". ? It was one of those things that you put a piece of clothing through and crank this thing and it rings all the water out. Whatever those are called. (Wow that sounded super intelligent.) Then we went in the house and looked around, but we didn't stay in there long. The house looked like it could fall over on us at anytime. Anyway, that was the beginning of our trespassing phase.

After the game last night, Rebecca, Jocelyn, Melissa, and Lizzy came to the house and we watched a movie. It was nice to enjoy the excitement of the win with the girls and spend time with them. I needed to be able to experience something happy in such a sad time.

I live for the little moments. The things that seem so small, sometimes, are the things we remember best.

Some positive things from the week:
-Though the circumstance was negative, getting to see Emma and catch up with her was a positive.
-I woke up Tuesday morning to a wall post on my facebook from Destiny.
-I got to watch Glee with Melissa and Rebecca
-Evie got a lot accomplished this week with SADD.
-I have Evie's year book picture options finished.
-Seb and I got to work on a new song, 'In My Suit'. Beat by DC.
-My father sent me the money to pay for Phi Theta Kappa.
-Though I am the 'slow kid' in class, my professor tries to make me feel good about it.
-My mom recorded Grey's and Private Practice for me.
-My dad put gas in my car this week.
-Mitchell won their first sectional game.
-Curt and Beth told me they were proud of me.

Exciting things for this weekend:
-I will be inducted into Phi Theta Kappa tonight.
-I get to see Aaron & Christopher tonight.
-I get to spend time with Sophia tomorrow night.
-Sunday I get to take pictures for Emily & Travis.
-I get to see Ivy and Jalayna Sunday.


Even in dark times, there is light. We just have to open our eyes and see it.

Four too many

I've had this twitch in my left eye for a couple of weeks. A literal twitch.

Saturday I got a text from one of my teens asking if I had heard about Peter Grider.

I knew then that something bad had happened because you don't typically get asked that when it's happy news.

Peter committed suicide last Tuesday, and was found Saturday hanging in his home.

Two memories have been playing in my head over the past couple of days. The first is from sophomore year of high school. It was our first girls night. It was me, Emily Murphy, Calin Young, Emma Parker, and Ashley Wilkinson. We had gone cosmic bowling that night. We won first place in the hokie pokie, I thank you. That night on our way back to Ashley's we decided to that we were going to go to Peter's house and sneak in. Emma and Peter were dating. So we pull up with our headlights turned off, and parked half way down the drive way. We walked the rest of the way up and snuck into the basement. Toby had a bunch of boys over. So us girls sneaking  into Peter's house was one memory I thought about.

The second memory was from the day that Peter and I had our picture taken for the year book. We were the 2006 Class Clowns. We took several different pictures. The one that we had chose to use was a picture were Peter was standing in his boxers and I was pointing and laughing. Needless to say that did not make it into the year book.

I have so many things running through my head right now. 1) Toby. He was my first thought Saturday when I found out. 2) I've been thinking alot about Ashton the past couple of weeks. Alot. 3) This makes friend and classmate number four that our senior class has lost. 4) That could've been any of us.

The funeral was tonight. Saw lots of classmates and old friends. But ya know, what a crappy way for us to have a class reunion?

This is the 4th death in the past two weeks in this community, and the 3rd suicide in this community in the past two weeks.

I am confused. I am frustrated. I am sad. I am just so so so confused. And so very angry.

These kids are killing themselves. Literally. Why?

People keeping trying to make themselves feel better about all of this. And people talk about the things we need to do as a community. Like building a student center. I'm not concerned about a building. I'm concerned about these kids. I'm concerned about my friends. Not a stupid building.

I mean, How many more times must this place be brought to its knees, before people open their eyes and look beyond their own lives?

(shakes head)

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

Yesterday was the big day.

We celebrated Melissa's birthday yesterday, and what better way then to go see The Broadway Musical: Mary Poppins.

It was fabulous.

They had very creative set designs, and very smooth transitions. The techie inside me was freaken out. I mean for real. It was mind blowing.

My favorite scene was "Step In Time". And my favorite scene design was the back drop for the bank. It was crazy and creative. I was very impressed. Plus we got to see Mary Poppins fly, and Bert dance on the ceiling. I mean come on!

It was a wonderful day.

I got to spend the day with Melissa, Rebecca, and Maddie.

I made a ridiculously awesome road trip cd, so there were plenty of laughs not to mention singing on the trip up with the girls.

It was just good.

It was especially wonderful to spend time with Melissa and Rebecca. Especially since they will be leaving for school in the fall.

I know I've already said it 5 times, but it was just a really awesome day!

Happy 18th Birthday, Melissa!