Back On Track

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

I had a plan. It was a good one. One that I felt I deserved to have be successful. However, God seemed to have a different plan for me.

I'm not going to lie, I've been pretty angry with God about it.

Angry enough that I've not really prayed in a very long time. It's like I've been trying to punish him. It sounds so stupid. Trying to punish God. Really, all I did was punish myself. It only made me drive a wedge between me and the people that matter in my life.

As unfaithful as I have been, God has continued to be faithful in mine. He has been patient with me while I've messed around and questioned everything.

He has been good to me, even when I haven't deserved it.

My grades got posted today. I had a 3.7 for the semester, and I have a cumulative GPA of 3.5. When I returned here in the fall, my GPA was a 1.2. I just sat there and cried when I saw it.

I knew returning to USI meant that I would have to back track. My return was last minute, so the classes I took in the fall didn't really count towards anything. They were just the classes I could get into at that point. This past semester I had to retake the three classes I had failed that last time I was here. I turned all three of those Fs into As.

This is why I'm back here. To finish what I started.

I don't always get what I want, but I get what I need.

Perhaps it's time for me to get out of my own way, and try to see what it is God has in store for me.

It's time to make some changes.

Memory

Every once in awhile I have these memory flashes.

When I was 8 years old, and living in Louisville, I was in Tae-Kwon-Do. When we did really well on something, then we were given these stars to put on our belts. One day, my dad took me in to speak with my instructor. I had been getting into fights on the bus, and one of my punishments was that I had to go and tell my instructor what I had done. I watched as he ripped the stars off my belt. Needless to say, he was disappointed in my behavior.

That was such a vivid memory in my mind tonight.

It was one of those times when I felt how disappointed someone was in me.

I have no idea why that popped in my head tonight, but there it is.

(That little boy you see there, yea, that's me. Sigh.)