Macaulay Culkin

I have a lot to say. I have a lot to say, but my thoughts are not organized enough to create anything remotely coherent. It would only come out as angry word vomit.

One year for my birthday, a couple of my friends bought me this book by Macaulay Culkin. Yeah, Macaulay Culkin wrote a book. Blew my mind too. They bought it for me because it is full of randomness. It is full of randomness and craziness. Like legit craziness. The guy really was a hot mess. It's actually a good read if you ever need to feel better about your life.

It was after I read that book that I was inspired to write my own book of random craziness. Years later, that is why this blog was started. Who knew Macaulay Culkin would inspire me to write a book. I'm assuming it was therapeutic for him.

I could use something therapeutic.

I Was Here

 

So....remember me? Yeah, I fail at this whole blog thing. In my defense, I have been a bit preoccupied with all the things. You know that whole adulting thing....Yeah. It is disgusting and it freaks me out. Blah.

 

What a journey though. It's crazy how four years can go by so quickly and yet be so full of experiences. I'm not even really sure where to begin or what to say really.

 

Seven years ago, I crawled back home with my head hanging in defeat. I felt like a huge failure crrawling back to mommy and daddy because I was incapable of being a big girl. I'm not even sure that is the right way to look at it. I guess more than anything I had given up on myself. AND where better to wallow in my self pity than Mitchell. That is where my failures started, and that is where my failures ended.

 

Anyway, I came home with my tail tucked between my legs. I needed time to figure out my next move. The plan I had in my head was to go home and work in the "real world" for a little while, save up some money, and then go to film school. I wanted to direct music videos. AND maybe I could've been an excellent director. I will never know, but I'm okay with that. I found something I was truly passionate about, and it was more important to me to pursue this new dream than to pursue something I just kind of happened to be good at.

 

I'm not the most selfless person in the world nor will I ever claim to be; however, I knew that my time in Mitchell needed to mean something. It had to be about something more than just me. I wanted my life to have purpose and meaning. I didn't really realize at the time, at least not fully, the impact my time at home had on my future plans or on the people that surrounded me.

 

I knew my time at home would be spent working with the teens in the MCOC Youth Group, but I also knew that my time could not be limited to one set group of kids. I decided I would start subbing in my local high school. I could go on about that experience for hours, but I will save those memories for myself and my students. It didn't take me long to realize that I was exactly where I needed to be, doing exactly what I should be doing. Those kids changed me. That's all I can really say about that.

 

I knew that I would have to go back to school, but I also knew I wasn't ready to leave my kids yet. I enrolled at Ivy Tech, mainly because that is the only place that would take me. No one accepts a student with a 1.2 GPA. Can't say I really blame them. Anywho....I decided to get my general classes out of the way and to get certified in graphic design. So...I subbed during the day and went to class at night. During that time I was working 3 jobs at a time (4 if you count SADD and subbing separately), and I was in school full time. I'm still not really sure how I pulled off my 3.92 GPA doing all of that, but some how I managed to pull myself up. Though, I did flirt with a couple of my professors. ;) I'm pretty sure I had As in those classes anyway. The flirting was just an added bonus. ;) Anyway, I worked hard to accomplish a goal. Not just for myself but to set an example for my students, and more importantly to set an example for my beloved Mini Me.

 

I then made another plan to attend Lipscomb University for Theatre Education; however, that fell through. That happens a lot when I make plans. They usually don't go the way I envision them in my mind. So there I was, shooting hoops, exhausting my last bit of hope for going to Lipscomb when it hit me.....perhaps there was one last thing I could do. But.....geez....I really didn't want to.

 

I found out on a Sunday that there was no way I would be able to attend Lipscomb. The next day I called USI and asked what we could do to get me back there in the fall semester. The semester started in 2 weeks. I've always kind of sucked with timing. I knew that if I stayed in Mitchell I would never leave. I made the right decision going back home, but staying would have been the end of me. That is why I made the decision I did.

 

I didn't really want to come back to USI. I knew I would have to face my failures, and lets face it no one wants to do that. I also knew that it was something I had to do for myself. I had to prove to myself that I was capable of pulling myself up, and I did just that. I graduated from USI with a 3.42 GPA, which is much better than the 1.2 GPA I had when I left the first time. I worked two jobs, sometimes three, in order to provide for myself while also going to school full time. It has been the most trying four years of my life, but I accomplished what I set out to do and I did it on my own.

 

A lot has changed in life. I "came out" to my friends and family a couple years ago. Their reactions were all pretty much the same: "Yeah....And?" So there is that. I don't really have much to say on that subject other than a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I am who I am. I was created in God's image and I know he loves me. Nothing else really matters when it comes to that.

 

What now? Man, that is the question everyone I come in contact with ask me. I don't know. I know what I want, or I should say I know where I want to be and what I want to be doing. I want to move back to Louisville. That was always the plan. I just got side tracked for about nine years. It's fine. It happens. I'm ready to move back closer to my family. I'm ready to find someone to build a life with. I'm ready to mold young minds. I'm ready for whatever comes my way. Will I for sure end up in Louisville? I don't know. I've learned to accept that things don't always happen the way I want them to, and that is okay. I must keep an open mind and in the end do what is best for me. What is that? I have no clue, but I'm sure I will figure it out. I always do.

 

All I know is that no matter what happens or where I end up, I want to leave an impression. I want to be remembered for the good I have done, the craziness that is me, the love I have shown others, and for the obstacles I have over come. I want the people here to remember me fondly, as I will remember them. I want to leave a legacy.

 

Whatever happens, I will never stop growing.

 

I Was Here-Beyonce

....Past

The following are various things I wrote several years ago. I happened across them and thought I would share. Enjoy!

Over The Rainbow
If I only I had a brain.
If I only I had a heart.
If I only I had courage.
If I could only find my way.

A girl loses herself in her sin and can't find her way out. She becomes so lost that the fantasy becomes real. Becomes truth. Becomes her reality. She is surrounded by her sin, never looking past it to the real reality of her life. It wasn't until she landed where she didn't want to be that she began to realize that she wasn't who she wanted to be. So she sets out on the only path she knows hoping to find answers. Hoping to find her way.

A boy sits alone, confused, scared. Dwelling in his sin because he knows no better. All he knows is pain, suffering, and hurt because that is what he has been shown. However, he has this lingering feeling that there has to be something more but can't figure out what it is. So he sits. Waiting for something or someone to show him the way.

Then comes the girl looking for her answers. She stumbles across this thoughtless boy who seems lost just like her. She learns his story and he learns hers. And they decide to make the journey together rather than alone. Because no one wants to be alone in their sin.

A girl is hiding in the only place she feels safe. Her sin. It’s what she knows and she fears what she does not know. She tries to act brave but her fears are weighing heavy on her. She begins to fear her surroundings. Her sin. She wishes she could be brave enough to conquer her fears. But hasn’t the courage to do so.

While continuing on their misadventure, the two friends come across this scared girl. She shares her story with them, and they agree that this girl should join them on their journey. A journey for answers.

A girl sits wasting away. All she once cared about has disappeared. She has become hard of heart. Closing herself down to the world. She won’t let anyone see who she truly is. Won't let anyone see her heart. But she sees her loneliness consuming her and wants out of her hardened state. She wants freedom, love, and care.

While struggling on the long winding road of explanation, the three come across this careless girl. Stories get exchanged and this final girl joins this group of misfits on their hopeful journey.

The four travel through good and bad. Struggling the whole way. They finally make it to the end of the hard road. They go to the one that they were sent to find, hoping that she will be able to set them right. Give them the answers to their questions. But all they found was disappointment. They had wrapped so much hope into this person to deliver them from their sins, that they lost sight of what the journey really was.

The journey was really about finding themselves. Realizing that they had the brains, the courage, and the heart all along. This journey helped them find their way. Find peace.

(This is a fictional story about a somewhat “real” life. The story of a girl who put all her hope into one thing only to find that the answers did not lie there. They lied with in Christ. In order to find peace she had to find Christ.)

…..This is my story….


Fear
Fear is a funny thing. I mean what is there to fear when you don’t fear death? And why fear death? I mean we don’t really die. Physically yes we die. But our souls go on for eternity. Is that what we fear? Eternity. Why fear eternity when we have an amazing creator who loved us so much that he came to Earth and died just for us? Just for you and me. Seems silly right?

Fear is defined as a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.

My soul fears nothing. But my flesh.... My flesh fears everything.

I fear you.
I fear your eyes. They see through me.
I fear the power you have over me.
I fear when the time comes, I won’t be able to walk away.

But my soul knows better. My soul knows that my creator came to save me from all of that. I have no fear because I know that my fears are only surface. I know that there is something deeper within me. Something bigger than you. Bigger than me. Bigger than this life.

Psalms 27:1
The Lord is my light and my salvation whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life of whom shall I be afraid?


Glass Valley
My best friend, Ashton, and I went through a trespassing phase. We would take off driving, in any direction, looking for abandoned houses to explore. That worked out well for a while, but the problem came when we decided to go somewhere that wasn’t technically abandoned.
It was spring break of my junior year of high school. Our friend Erin was on vacation with her family in Florida. Ashton got the idea to go and explore her family’s property. I agreed that it was an excellent idea, and off we went.

We pulled up to the house and got out of the car. Her dogs greeted us and decided to follow us as we began walking down a trail. Ashton was taking pictures while I was taking in the beauty, and the dogs sniffed around looking for things to bark at.

We walked over to a cliff overlooking a valley. It was an amazing view. Naturally Ashton started taking more pictures while I contemplated God’s handy work. Then Ashton noticed something down below. He said to me, “Look at that pond. It is so shiny. Let’s go down there so I can get some good pictures.” I agreed because I mean what’s living if you don’t pull your shorts down and slide on the ice, right? We took off down this “hill” with Ashton leading the way because if something was going to get us, better him then me.

After what felt like an hour hike we make it to the bottom with the dogs right on our tail. Ashton stopped dead in his tracks and said to me, “Lindsay, look down.” I looked down only to see broken glass everywhere, and I do mean every where. We looked to our right only to see truck, tire tracks. At that point we started to feel a little freaked out. We looked at each other for a moment like, “Dear Jesus we are going to die down here!”, but Ashton insisted upon finding this shiny pond that he had seen from the cliff, so while being the unintelligent people that we are, we decided to continue exploring this “glass valley”.

We walked and walked and walked some more, but we never found that pond. We did find tons of glass, some fire pits, and what appeared to be a swamp. He gave up looking for the pond, but we decided to continue exploring the swamp. As we were walking through it the dogs started flipping out, barking at something.

At that point, Ashton and I were really freaking out. I looked at him and said, “Good God man, run for your life!” We took off running across this valley full of glass, praying that we would find away out before whatever else was down there got us. I was in the lead this time because if something was going to get one of us, better him then me.

We continued running until we came to this giant, concrete thing. It had graffiti all over it, and a huge claw hanging from the roof. After peeing a little, I decided that we were going to have to run through that thing because there was no way around it. So we both took off, our hands in the air, screaming for our lives.

We ran a little more till we came to Erin’s drive way, which was a long run up hill. When we got to the top, we jumped in his little white sunfire convertible, and took off like a bat out of Hell.

Ashton and I have never been accused of being intelligent. Adventures like that were common for us. We never cared about the consequences of our actions, and trust me we suffered for many of them. All that mattered to us was our next adventure. Little did we know our next adventure was just getting started. The adventure I am talking about is our friendship.

Our adventures did not end that day at “glass valley”. In fact, they were just beginning. We have been through a lot together, Ashton and I. We have endured separation, fights, deception, lies, manipulation, haters, lovers, and each other. All of which we have triumphed over, together.
 I do not think either of us realized at the time the significance of that day at “glass valley”. Even now it may seem like some silly thing that we did as adolescence, but it was so much more than that. It was a step that helped to define the friendship we have now. A friendship that is crazy, stupid but genuine. A friendship that can endure all things.



The Torture Scene
They were asked to take my heart
And examine it
Like an x-ray.

Or hold it in their hand controlling its beat
I tell them to drop it
And see if it bounces back

Or step on it
And see if it deflates

They start stomping on it with cleats
To make the hidden truths inside spill onto the dusty grass

I want them to make it beat
Holding it between their hands
Watching me for a reaction

But all they want to do
Is grind my heart into the ground
Torturing the truth from its depths

These were all written during a different time in my life. It is interesting to go back and read these and see where I was and how far I've come. As in the first story, life isn't about the destination but about the journey. That is where we learn and grow.

Enjoy the journey you are on!

Significance

At the church I now attend here in Evansville, One Life, we are in a series called 'The Talk'. It has be broken into four subcategories: Family, Marriage, Sex, and Kids. Last Sunday we started talking about kids. The minister brought something up that resonated with me which was that as children we all had adults, not just parents, who had influence in our lives. This topic came up again in my Ethnic Lit class. I had a weeks worth of the topic coming up and it was enough to get me thinking about the adults that had influence on me when I was a kid; and therefore, I felt compelled to write about those individuals.

The first person I thought of was Miranda (Chasteen) Blankenbeker. She was my camp counselor when I was in elementary school. Miranda is 10 years and 2 days older than me. Yes, I realize that is a weird thing to remember; however, I am the Rainman of dates. Anyway, Miranda and her mother, Jane, were my favorite counselors and I always requested to be in their cabin. They were always very kind and loving to me and not just at camp. Miranda even took the time to come pick me up one weekend and take me home with her to spend a weekend with her and her family. We did not live close either. It was an hour drive; however, she took time out of her life to show love to a kid by spending time with me. Not only that, but I was part of her wedding. She always referred to me as her little sister and her family accepted me as if I was. This was the first family, besides my own, that made me feel as if I was a part of their family.

The next person I thought about was Paula Sowders. Paula was my Sunday school teacher. Before my family moved to Mitchell, when we would visit I would always go to her class on Sunday mornings. She was one of the first people in Mitchell I knew before we came to live her. I remember my first day at Burris Elementary running into her and feeling a little peace because I had a familiar face around. I was eight years old and terrified of starting at a new school in the middle of the year but the fact that she was there brought me some peace on that first day.

Next comes Marian Stephens. Marian was the first teacher I had in Mitchell. She made me feel very welcome especially since I came in the middle of the school year. I believe the exact date was January 26, 1996. It was a Friday. I'm not positive on that but that is neither here nor there. Marian later became a very important part of my family. She lived next to my grandmother so I saw her often. After her mother passed we adopted her in as Aunt Marian. She was at every Slone family dinner, family vacations, and even in family pictures. When I was in the sixth grade instead of going home by myself, I would ride the bus over to Burris and hang out with her. When she fell ill and was in the hospital, a member of the Slone family was constantly with her at all times. We made sure one of us was always there to be in the fight with her.

One of the most influential people in my life was Gerald Tolliver. There is a lot I could say about Tolliver; however, I have spoken of him and his significance in my life several times. He was a grandfather figure in my life and his death still resonates with me. At his funeral I introduced myself to one of his sons. He said to me, and I'm probably paraphrasing a little, "Dad talked about you frequently and for him to remember you out of all the students he had says a lot." If I ever had a doubt about my significance to him, it was quickly swept away with that. He will always be one of the most influential people in my life because he is part of who I am today.

It is also essential that I mention Curt and Beth Parsley. During my time off from school, I spent a lot of time with them and their son, Jake. They were and still are my 2nd family. They even took me on Parsley Family Vacation with them. They have shown me love and kindness even in times were it was hard to do so.They continue to be faithful participants in my life.

I could not write this blog and not speak of Gary Spear. He is the most influential person in my life. I did not fully appreciate him in high school and it was not until later that I realized his significance in my life during those years. I was too distracted and unwilling to see it then. The most significant growth I have had over the past few years is due to his influence and faithfulness in my life. Even during the times when I find it hard to love myself, he reminds me how much I am loved. He has taught me how to think through things rationally, how to be still, and how to show love to people who are need of love and kindness. Words are not enough to express my gratitude.

It is because of the influence of these people that I am the person that I am. The most important thing I learned from all of these individuals is God's love for me. When I feel disposable and insignificant all I have to do is think of these people who have loved me and be reminded that I am enough. I am loved even during the darkest times. My life is full of those reminders because of people who took the time to show love to a kid that was not theirs to love. My life is better because of them.

Readers, take the time to be selfless.

Memories on the Wall

What a week.

I'll be honest, I was dreading this past week. The idea of spending the week in Mitchell didn't exactly make me want to jump up and click my heals. I wasn't real sure how the week was going to go, but it went so much better than I could have imagined.

I had a small cabin this year. My usual girls were unable to come this year, so we had a different group of girls. I had Moyra, of course. Then I had four girls from Newburgh, which I found funny because I now live in Newburgh. I had a real awkward group of girls, but let's be honest I'm awkward so it was probably a good fit.

I was real proud of these girls. As usual, I had the oldest group of girls. Sunday, I told them that they should be setting a good example for the younger girls, and they did not let me down. In fact, one of my campers got Camper of the Week. I was very proud of her.

Instead of having Split Chapel as we normally do, we had a Bible Bowl. This week was based around Ephesians 6:10-18, which is all about the Armour of God. Thus, the Bible Bowl was all about Ephesians. Ephesians is my favorite book from the Bible. My girls beat out the other three girls cabins with a final score of 152 points for the week. That was the highest score from all the cabins. They competed against the winning boys cabin, and came in 2nd in over time. I was pleased.

My family group this year was a fun group of kids. For recreation, family groups, competed in the SMBC Olympics. My kids took home the gold. Once again, I was pleased.

Thursday night was our cabin party, and anyone who knows me knows I make those cabin parties count. We had ourselves a dance party, and since I am somewhat of a prankster, the other two female cabins were under attack. It got my girls out of their comfort zones and got them to loosen up. It was a good night.

I have to say my favorite part of the week happened on Friday. One of the girls from my cabin asked me to baptize her. Typically in the Church of Christ, women do not baptize people. However, I was given the opportunity to do it. It was my first baptism, and it was such an honor. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it.

It was a good week and I got to share it with three of my little cousins (Moyra, Trey, and Lizzy), and with Rebecca and Melissa. It's hard to have a bad week with that group. I'm glad that Moyra and Lizzy talked me into coming home for the week. Just think of everything I would've missed out on had I not come.

Hands down, the best week of my summer.

Home Is Where The Heart Is

Home is where the heart is.

That is such a heavy statement.

I mean really. Think about it. Where your heart is, is where your home is.

The first question I have to ask myself is 'where is my heart?'. Does my heart lay where my thoughts are? Does it lay with the important people in my life? And if it does, who are those people? And why are they important to me? Why do I allow them to have part of me? What makes them so special? Why do they matter?

I have always tried to find peace through my relationships with other people. The thing is, I never can find peace in my relationships. I find comfort for a while, but never actual peace.

I do things to the extreme. When I love, I love with everything I have. When I hate, I hate with everything I have. I put everything I have into my relationships with others, in the hopes of finding peace within those relationships; however, because I do this, I tend to find more trouble then peace.

Matthew 6:19-21 (And I'm going to paraphrase this) says "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

My treasures on earth aren't things but people, which is probably more unhealthy then if my worldly treasures were things. Things can be replaced, and people can not. So when (It's always a question of when, not if.) I start to get myself into trouble within those relationships, it feels like the end of the world. It takes a mental, emotional, and physical toll on me.

That's not healthy.

This is something I've been thinking about lately. When I'm here in Evansville I do not feel at home so I go back to Mitchell, but I do not feel at home there either. No matter where I am, I just want to be somewhere else. The problem is not an external problem, but an internal one. "Where ever you go, there you are." I really am my worst enemy.

I realize now that I can not continue to try and find peace in my relationships. The only relationship I should be trying to find peace in is my relationship with God. That is where my heart should be.

I'm thankful that he continues to be faithful in my life while I figure all this out. That is true, unconditional love.

Where is your heart?

Back On Track

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

I had a plan. It was a good one. One that I felt I deserved to have be successful. However, God seemed to have a different plan for me.

I'm not going to lie, I've been pretty angry with God about it.

Angry enough that I've not really prayed in a very long time. It's like I've been trying to punish him. It sounds so stupid. Trying to punish God. Really, all I did was punish myself. It only made me drive a wedge between me and the people that matter in my life.

As unfaithful as I have been, God has continued to be faithful in mine. He has been patient with me while I've messed around and questioned everything.

He has been good to me, even when I haven't deserved it.

My grades got posted today. I had a 3.7 for the semester, and I have a cumulative GPA of 3.5. When I returned here in the fall, my GPA was a 1.2. I just sat there and cried when I saw it.

I knew returning to USI meant that I would have to back track. My return was last minute, so the classes I took in the fall didn't really count towards anything. They were just the classes I could get into at that point. This past semester I had to retake the three classes I had failed that last time I was here. I turned all three of those Fs into As.

This is why I'm back here. To finish what I started.

I don't always get what I want, but I get what I need.

Perhaps it's time for me to get out of my own way, and try to see what it is God has in store for me.

It's time to make some changes.

Memory

Every once in awhile I have these memory flashes.

When I was 8 years old, and living in Louisville, I was in Tae-Kwon-Do. When we did really well on something, then we were given these stars to put on our belts. One day, my dad took me in to speak with my instructor. I had been getting into fights on the bus, and one of my punishments was that I had to go and tell my instructor what I had done. I watched as he ripped the stars off my belt. Needless to say, he was disappointed in my behavior.

That was such a vivid memory in my mind tonight.

It was one of those times when I felt how disappointed someone was in me.

I have no idea why that popped in my head tonight, but there it is.

(That little boy you see there, yea, that's me. Sigh.)

You Don't Need Luck

I've been slacking on this blogging thing.

The semester is wrapping up, and I'm real pumped about it. My first year back is almost over. I have officially declared my major, English Education, and my minor, Theatre. Is anyone really surprised that 1) I'm going to teach and 2) I'm going to teach theatre? Why didn't I major in this in the first place? Needless to say, I am completely satisfied with my decision. To be honest, this is the first time I've actually ever been excited about my future. I keep coming up with lesson plans for my future students. What can I say? I'm excited!

Growing up is weird. I won't be moving back home this summer. I'll be staying here in Evansville. It's weird. The only thing that really bothers me about it is that I miss my girls. A lot. I think that has been the hardest part of all of this. You get use to seeing and talking to people everyday, and then you have to readjust to not seeing them but maybe once a month, if that, and talking, and by talking I mean texting, once or twice a week. I miss them.

I do have some goals for my summer. I mean the first few weeks will be consumed with a summer class, so my focus will be on that for a while. However, after that, I can have some time to do things. I think I'm going to finally learn how to play the guitar. My dad bought me a guitar several years ago, and I have yet to learn how to play it. I mainly just jam out with real music playing in the background, and pretend like I know what I'm doing. I think I'm going to try and do some writing too. I've been planning this book in my head for years, and have yet to start on it. I have a title, Random Thoughts of a Question Mark, thus the title of this blog. It's basically me writing my story down. All the different chapters and all the different people that have been a part of those moments in my life. I think it could be really good for me to get all of this out of my head and down on paper. My unedited thoughts. Not stuff I would put out on a blog, but a honest look at my life. It just seems like it could be therapeutic. I don't know.

Anyway, I have one final down, and I got an A+ on it. It was my theatre final. I got to play a woman who caught her boyfriend cheating on her, and she calls and epically breaks up with him. I looked good, got to cuss some kid out, and throw my phone. Not a bad final. Just two more finals and the semester is officially over.

Let me end on the title. When I was in high school, I had a teacher that every time we took a test, he would say, "Good Skill." He always told us we didn't need luck, that we had the skill to do it. I don't need luck. I've got the skill. It's time to realize it.

Ya know?

What is it with kids today not finishing their thoughts?

Instead of explaining what they are thinking, they add "ya know?" or some variation of that to the end of their sentences. Is it that they are incapable of finishing a thought, or is that they are afraid to finish their thought?

I feel like we need to challenge them more on that. When they say "Ya know?", then we need to say "No, I don't know. Explain it to me." Give them the opportunity to finish their thoughts. Challenge their thinking.

Adults complain all the time about teenagers not putting forth any effort, but we are enablers. We allow it to happen. I wasn't challenged when I was in high school. I wasn't told, "You finish what you start." I wasn't taught to live up to my full potential. I was taught that it's okay to dream, but only if you don't dream too big. I was taught that when something gets difficult, it's okay to give up and walk away. I was taught mediocracy. That is the norm.

I'm not mediocre, and being normal is vastly over rated.

I expect more from the people I have chosen to invest in. I invested in these particular people because I know they are capable of great things, even if they don't. I want to be for them what someone should have been for me.

"Be the change you want to see in the world."--Gandhi

Come Back Kid

Yesterday marked the one year anniversary of my grandfather's death.

The events of that day just kept replaying in my head all day yesterday. I had woken up that morning to a panicked phone call from my cousin, Taiylor. She didn't know for sure what was going on, but had said that they had come to get my aunt so it must be serious. I paced my room for a while debating whether I should go to Versailles or not, but ultimately decided that no matter the outcome, I needed to be with my family. I got dressed and headed out. I had made it just past BNL when I got a text from my stepmother telling me he had passed. I made it to Brownstown before I had to pull over and try to gather myself.

When I got to the house some time later, there were a lot of people there. I parked at the bottom of the hill and took off running. All I could think about was hugging my father and telling him I loved him.

After arriving and spending a few minutes talking to people, Taiylor and I decided we needed to get out of that house. "Creeper" was of course being his little pedophile self, and neither of us were exactly in the mood for it. We went and sat at the McDonald's for a while, till we heard from Shelby and figured out that no one had been able to get a hold of Grandma Opal.

We immediately got up and headed over there. We knocked on the door. When she opened the door and saw us standing there, she broke down. We didn't even need to say it. Us showing up unannounced said it all.

We spent the rest of the day sitting around talking and just being with each other. While sitting and chatting at McDonald's, Taiylor and I had decided that we should light the bell that night. When we went back over to Pappaw's we brought up our idea, and we were told we had to wait for "Creeper" (Mind you, she didn't actually call him Creeper. But, if the shoe fits...) to get home. When he got home, he gave us the run around and basically said we weren't going to do it. To which I said, "I'm not asking you. I'm telling you." At that point, Dad got up and went outside to turn it on.

Anyone who would've known that house or the man that lived there, would know what it meant. Our family all stood at the bottom of the hill arm and arm, crying and remembering the man behind the bell.

I drove home that night broken hearted. When I walked up to my back door, I found a Coke and Starburst sitting there waiting for me. My girls had left me a little something to let me know they were thinking of me. It was comforting to know that I had a support system behind me.

It's been a rough year, but I'm confident that Pappaw Joe would be proud of me despite things not going as I planned. He always was a bragger....and an exaggerator. He loved bragging on his kids and grand kids. (Wonder where I got that from.) I love him very much, and he is missed.
News report done on Pappaw Joe

I know you are all thinking, "Wow. Way to be Debbie Downer." Stick with me.

Things clearly have not gone as I had planned them in my head, but that doesn't mean that they haven't gone well. I've finally realized that things aren't always going to go as I plan them. I just like to pretend like I'm in control here, but I'm not really. I ultimately am in charge of the final decision, but there are always other factors to consider than what I originally anticipated. That whole deviating from the plan thing really freaks me out sometimes.

Coming back to Evansville really freaked me out because it meant that I had to face my failures. No one likes to do that. However, I'm doing what I came here to do. I had a 3.6 GPA last semester. This semester I am retaking the 3 classes I failed the last time I was here, and I'm doing really well. It's crazy what you can accomplish when you study and actually show up for class. Weird.

Work is going very well too. I had my 60 day evaluation a few weeks ago. Given it was a few months after the 60 days, but that's neither her nor there. However, it went very well and my boss said that some of the associates commented on how mature I was for my age, (They clearly don't know me very well.) in the way that I deal with situations that occur. It took everything I had not to giggle when he was saying all of that.

I'm also living in a big girl apartment. I kind of live in a retirement community. I believe I am the youngest resident. The hall ways smell like my Grandma Opal's apartment entry. It's homie. lol. This is the first time 1) I have ever paid rent, and 2) Not lived on a college campus or with my mommy. I'm becoming a big girl.

So, Readers, what's the point of all of this? Things aren't always going to go as we want to them to, but that doesn't mean that good things aren't on the horizon. You can always come back. Readers, go make your come back!

"Let the drummer kick that."

Mr. Tolliver died Thursday.

I woke up Friday morning to be phone blowing up from various people. I finally decided to answer when I saw that it was my mother calling me. She said, "I wanted to talk to you before you got on facebook." To which I said, "What happened?" "Mr. Tolliver died in his sleep last night."

Needless to say I was a mess. It took me a while to gain my composer enough to call into work and to get myself ready. I know how awful this sounds, but it's the truth. I'm more upset about losing him then I was about losing my grandfather. And let's be honest. He was the closest thing I had to a grandfather in this town. It's like losing three grandfather's in one year.

I took Tolliver's class my freshman year of high school, and had I not taken it then my high school career would've looked vastly different. Going into my freshman year, I went out for the SADD board but didn't make it. Tolliver encouraged me all year to stay involved in all the various activities SADD had. When it came time to go out for the board again, he really pushed me to go out for it again.

I knew going into it, that I had it. I realize that sounds cocky, but if Tolliver wanted you on the board, you were on the board. Regardless of what the officers wanted. I then went on to become the Vice-President, and then President.

When I graduated, I left with the intention to become the next Gerald Tolliver. I went to Indiana State (Tolliver's ado moder) as a Social Studies Ed major. I had even talked to Tolliver about when he planned on retiring. Now, I may not have continued with Social Studies Ed, but I did do half of what I set out to do which was to take over SADD when he retired.

SADD and Gerald Tolliver were a big part of my high school career. I was Tolliver's student helper my junior and senior years of high school. I hated my 6th period class my senior year, so I would go to Tolliver's room everyday during that class and then I was his student helper for 7th period. I basically spent the last half of my day in that room.

Tolliver was one of the few teachers I had that I was positive cared about who Lindsay Slone was, and who I was going to become. Even after graduating we stayed in touch. He knew my life better than most, and he always encouraged me to keep pushing forward.

I truly loved him, and my heart is broken. He will be missed greatly.

Somethings I learned from Gerald Tolliver:
-Culture is the way of life of a group of people.
-Norms are group shared rules of behavior.
-Anyways is not a word. It is anyway.
-"To be early is to be on time. To be on time is to be late. To be late, is to be left behind."
-I was worth something to someone.
-"Do what's best for the students. People are always going to be critical of what you are doing, but remember why you are there. Put the students first."

Six Weeks Is Too Long

I got to see my girls this weekend!

It had been almost 2 months since I had seen Lydia, 6 weeks since I had seen Rebecca and Melissa, and 5 weeks since I had seen Alayna. Needless to say I jumped each of them when I saw them. Melissa might of had her head smack off the wall, and I might of slightly knocked the wind out of Rebecca. Whoopsie. They're fine. It's fine.

It was a crazy busy weekend, but I loved it. I got time with both Moyra and Seb. I got to have dinner with Ashton. I got to hangout with Michele. I had breakfast with my parents, and I actually got to see Jennifer. Crazy. And.....I got to sleep in a real bed. It was a good weekend.

Friday, I went to the pep session at the high school. It wasn't what I expected, which is a good thing. It started off with the band leading a parade through the high school. I thought that was pretty cool. The teachers did a flash mob, and almost all the teachers participated. Even the ones who usually don't participate in fun. Then they played a teacher volleyball game. It was slightly entertaining.

The reason I went to the pep session is because SADD was a having a "Kiss the Pig" contest. The teacher that raised the most money would have to kiss a pig. In my head I pictured a baby pig, but this thing was huge. It was actually one of the SADD Sponsors that had to kiss it. Things seem to be going really well with SADD this year, and I'm so happy about that. I'm glad it was left in good hands.

This is going to be another crazy week. Em's wedding is this weekend so the week will consist of taking care of all the last minute things. I can't wait for the wedding though. We have a stretch Hummer to take us from the church to the reception. It's going to be a good night.

Now to go and try to be productive.

Reality? What's that?

I finally found an appropriate sized bowl for my air popped popcorn. And it's green, so double win.

I'm sitting here with my delicious popcorn, listening to some Glee, and enjoying some alone time.

Sometimes in life, you just need a time out. I need some time to just chill and clear my head. There is so much crap going through my mind, that it's hard to process everything or think clearly. For example: Today while at Walmart, I went to the bathroom. I walked in and was like "Where are all the stalls?". It was then that I noticed the urinals. AND the whole 1st week of being here, I could not get my key to go into the lock of my apartment. It was so frustrating. I finally threw my keys and told my roommate to figure it out. That's when I found out I had been using my key to the church building to try to get into my apartment. I've been so scatter brained.

I went home this past weekend because 1) CallieAnn was going to be in Mitchell and 2) it was going to be my last chance for a while. Within the first hour of being in Mitchell, I remembered why I fought so hard to get out of there. The weekend wasn't necessarily bad. In fact, I got to visit with some people who really made me feel better about life. Those people are a real encouragement to me. I got to surprise Moyra, and I jumped on Seb when I saw him. We got to have some really good cousin time with just the three of us. I missed those two like crazy.

I did get to return here with a slightly different mind set. Sometimes it just takes saying things out loud, to help you sort through things and get a different perspective. I'm done sitting here, stressing about life. I could let all this stuff cut me down, or I could get up and do something about it. I'm choosing to do something about it. I'm going to work hard this semester and get a kick ass GPA. I'm going to work and save money, so that I can get an apartment next year. (Planning for the future. Very adult of me. Ha!) I'm going to enjoy the time I have with my friends here. I'm going to start working on my relationship with God, and let that be what drives me. It's time to stop letting other things decide my outlook. It's time to do something different.

Today is Melissa's 19th birthday. Happy Birthday to my adopted Little Sister. I love you!

(The picture is from Monday morning. Dad made french toast for breakfast. Yum!)

Backtracking

Sometimes, life doesn't go as you planned it.

I was suppose to move to Nashville Saturday; however, instead I moved back to Evansville.

I won't get into all the logistics of that mess, but I will say money is a bitch. I'm not going to lie, I'm more than a little bitter about being here. I didn't leave USI because I didn't like it. I left because I didn't do well and needed to get my act together, which I did. I just graduated Magna Cum Laude and have come back to a place where I am on academic probation. It's hard for me to wrap my mind around that. I didn't want to have to come back here because it is a constant reminder of my failures. I put all that past me, and yet here I am reliving it. It's hard for me to get past that.

I will say I felt a little better about life after I went to class. It wasn't because it was a particularly interesting class. It helped put things back into perspective for me, and remind me why I am here. I do have a goal, and I just have to keep pushing through so I can accomplish it. I kind of feel like this was God's way of telling me that I need to finish something I start.

I rarely stick with the things I start. I was always taught that when things get difficult it's best to give up and walk away. I'm still trying to get out of that. The two things I have stuck with the longest have been subbing at Mitchell, and helping with the youth group at the MCOC. I just have to keep reminding myself why I am here. There is a goal.

I had the option of staying home another semester, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I did find out that I would've had a place to live so that I could be a real adult; however, I was offered that about a week too late. To be honest, I think had I stayed, I wouldn't have finished school at all. I had to do this, even if it isn't the ideal situation. At least I'm fighting for something I want. At least I'm actually setting goals and making every effort to accomplish them. I have come a long way in the past three years. I just have to apply all that here this time around.

Already today, I have run into 5 of my former students and both of my cousins. Every time I ran into a student I just said, "Surprise!". Sigh.

Pluses of being back in Evansville:
1) I'm not in Mitchell.
2) I'm working towards a goal.
3) One of my best friends is here.

I'm sure I'll think of other pluses at some point, but that's what you get for now. I have to make the best out of this crummy situation. Stay posted.

Pappaw

Sometimes, I find it difficult to find the right words to start these things.

My grandfather died last Monday.

It was my mother's father, Walter Brown, and he is the 2nd grandfather I have lost in a 4 month period.

Needless to say, it was a rough week. I wasn't so much concerned with myself on this one. I was more concerned about my mother and sister. I think that's what got me the most. To watch Jennifer, Thursday during the funeral, was probably the most heart wrenching of all. She was really close to Pappaw, and you could feel her heart break. I think that was the hardest part for me.

I'm not sure how long ago it was, but some time ago we found out that Pappaw had a brain tumor. At the time that we found out is when Pappaw Joe was getting worst, and I was still trying to deal with that. I don't do well with watching people suffer. It's harder to watch people suffer then it is to deal with their death. To be honest, it was all too overwhelming; knowing that I was going to lose both of my grandfathers soon.

A couple weeks ago, my mother was pretty instant about me going to say my goodbyes to Pappaw. That's not an easy thing to do. With Pappaw Joe, every time you left was your last goodbye. You just didn't know. Thankfully, I have a very thoughtful friend who offered to go down with me so I didn't have to go alone. Saying goodbye is never an easy thing to do.

I had a couple of people who checked in on me last week, which was very much appreciated. I also had some friends who helped provide some distraction for me. I did the video for the funeral, and I was a pallbearer; so it was good to have people to distract me for a while.

After the funeral, I headed to Nashville to see the girls. I had a good drive down. It was nice to have some time to myself to think and process everything. Being with those girls is just what I needed. I missed them. Melissa and Rebecca had been gone for almost two weeks, and it was killing me.

I met with my advisor Friday morning to get my classes set up. I have a pretty kick ass schedule. 4 theatre classes, weight training, the story of Jesus, chapel, and my practicum which is sets. I mean, I'm pretty excited about it. It's a great schedule to get me back into the swing of a real school.

Friday, Alayna and I headed back home. We got to have a good chat on the way home. I mean if you have to make a long car trip with someone, Alayna Super might be a good person to do that with. The reason she came home early is because she was invited to play in the East-West All-Star Game. She played really well. Kind of proud of that kid.

By now you should know that I like to brag on these kids.

Today I was reading back through some of my 'notes' on facebook. I spent 2009 writing down a list of things I was thankful for every week. It was kind of crazy to go back a read through all of that. I talked alot about the girls, and the people had been influential to me. Almost every week had something in there about Beth Parsley and Kedra Burris. I talked alot about getting the job at the Lighthouse and how excited I was about it, and as the year went on you can see how it started to go down hill; even in the beginning stages. I talked about Katie and how much I liked working with her. On one account I talked about how we got in trouble for talking and giggling with one another while working. It's not that we weren't working, we were, but Keith didn't like us to associate with the other employees. I'm pretty sure he fears there being a revolt against him. I also talked about subbing and the beginning stages of G5.1. I talked about my first visit to Lipscomb and how weird it was that I went on a college visit there, but that it was a school worth considering. I also talked alot about how God was being faithful to me even though I was struggling with life. It's crazy how things turned out. Looking at how things were then, and how they are now. To see that process is neat.

I think I'm going to start writing down the things I am thankful for everyday. A lot of times I find myself just focusing on the negative, and I don't take the time to look at the positive and thank God for those things. It will be good for me start journaling again anyway, and since Senora bought me a really nice leather journal for graduation, I can use that.

Reader's think about the things you are thankful for, even the little things. Sometimes the little things make all the difference.

SADD

So the last 2 weeks have just been a blur. They've been filled with graduation and graduation parties, working a wedding, college week of camp, softball games, editing pictures, working on school stuff, looking for a "real" job, a boat trip, Safe Night, Relay for Life, and some great hangout time with friends.

I feel like I need a time out.

Last night was Relay for Life, and it was my last night with my students. Unfortunately, we had storms coming and I didn't feel comfortable having a group of teenagers out in the middle of that. I haven't decided if that was me being responsible or me being a pansy. Don't get me wrong, I love storms. Just not so much when other people's children are out in the middle of it.

Last year at Rivervale, Tolliver had brought up the possibility that he would not be returning in the fall due to his eyesight getting worse. It was then that he asked the kids who they thought would be a good replacement. A lot of names got thrown out and shot down for various reasons. So I told Tolliver that I would be home for another year, and if it came down to it that Tyler Phillips and I could just co-sponsor. He was on board with that, and the kids were happy with that.

The day before school starts, I find out that Tolliver is not coming back and neither is Tyler. I chose to continue with the process for two reasons. 1) SADD has always had a special place in my life, and I didn't want to see it fall into the wrong hands. I think had I not become so involved with it while I was in high school, my life could have easily looked very different. 2) I made a commitment to not only these kids, but to Gerald Tolliver. You can say what you want about him, but he played an important role in my high school career and I have a lot of respect for him because of that. He was one of the few teachers that cared about me not only as a student but as a person.

I went into this with very little information, and really I was going off of things we had done five years ago. Luckily, I had Evie Sehr as my president. She was my right arm the whole year. I didn't need to ask her to do anything because by the time I would ask she would already have it done or be working on it. She might be the best president since Libby Allen herself. You're probably like, "Wait a minute, Lindsay. Weren't you the president of SADD?" I was, and as Tolliver has said I was one of the best. However, I was also power hungry. I had a passion for SADD and I really wanted to see great things happen, but my methods were not the best. I developed a couple of nicknames that year. One being Hitler. I actually had one of my freshman board members go home after Rivervale and tell her family that I was Hitler. The other was a five letter word that I think people were afraid to say to my face. I've said this before, I wasn't the nicest person in high school. Not proud of that fact, but there it is.

I knew that I would only be able to sponsor SADD for the year due to that whole me not being a "real" teacher thing, and that I would be leaving to finish my education else where. I started looking for my replacement very early in the school year. I started paying closer attention to the faculty at MHS. It helped that I was a sub because I got to hear not only the faculties view of each other, but the students' view of the faculty. Whoever took this over needed to have the respect of not only the rest of the faculty, but of the students. Those kids won't work for people they don't respect.

Next years sponsors are Jessica Morgan and Megan Elgin. The days that I would sub for Morgan were some of the few times that the kids would complain about having a sub. I had always heard good things not only from the faculty but from the students about her, and I knew that she was someone who actually cared about these kids. When I first got hired on as the sponsor, Megan was 1 of 2 faculty members that sent me a message congratulating me. She had told me then that if I ever needed help to let her know. I didn't have a lot of faculty initiative. Everyone wanted to complain about the various issues, but very few actually tried to be part of the solution. So I was appreciative and impressed that she offered to step up and be part of the solution.

I'm excited for next year. It's hard to leave, but I know that this organization and the students involved are being left in good hands. That gives me a little piece of mind.

Stories of A Substitute: The Final Take

Today was my last day subbing at Mitchell High School.

3 years ago when I came home, I knew that my time in Mitchell couldn't be just about me. That's why I got involved with the teens at the MCOC, and it's what led me into subbing. I knew that working with the teens at the MCOC would be great, but that it would only give me access to a certain group of kids. I decided that I would apply to be a sub at Mitchell High School because it would give me more access to a wider range of kids.

The first day I subbed was Wednesday, October 29, and it was for Julie Colglazier. I remember being pretty nervous, which looking back on it was probably really silly. After I subbed for her that day, I apologized to her for being such a pain when I was in her class.

One of the highlights from the days that I would sub was always lunch. I'm not really sure why because it never really has been that exciting. Most of the time they all sit there and complain about something. When I first started, I would always sit up stairs in the teachers lounge at the "Men's table", and listen to Tolliver, Giggy, and Seitzinger talk about the good ol' days when coke was a nickel or whatever.

Then, this year one of the newer teachers asked me to eat lunch in the FACS room with some of the other newer teachers. That kind of blew me away because most of those teachers had never actually acknowledged my presence, so I'm sure that they didn't know what to do with me. After that, I just kind of kept eating with them. Some of the students have affectionately nicknamed it 'the cool kids table'. Does that make me a 'cool kid'?

Though, I have to admit, I'm not sure I want to be lumped into all of that.

I'd have to say one of the 'highlights' of this year was when I subbed for Kearns, and Jake pop, locked, and dropped it in the middle of class. Or how about last week when one of my students asked another student for a dip, with me standing right there. Not only am I the sub in the room, I am also the SADD Sponsor.

The moral in that place isn't so great, and I don't just mean amongst the students. That became more evident to me this year, while sponsoring SADD. Everyone wanted to complain, but no one wanted to be part of the solution. You can't really expect these kids to care, when the adults in their lives don't care.

Every once in a while, Tolliver would get me refocused and remind me why I was there. I wasn't there for me or for the faculty, but for those kids. I had to remind myself of that a few times.

That place will suffocate you, if you let it.

I have had a lot of frustrating moments in that place, but I have also had a lot of great moments. I've built relationships with kids that I would not have been able to had I not been in the high school. It's also been a learning experience, and it's what pushed me to go into education. Crazy I know.

Some of these kids have left a real impression on me, and they will be missed. It has been an interesting, wonderful, and at times frustrating 3 years, and I've loved every minute of it.

Not gonna lie, the past couple of weeks have been emotionally exhausting. I've worked on graduation videos which I love doing, but I'm doing several videos for kids I love. I started with a hard one, which was Alayna, and I'm ending on a hard one, which is Melissa.

I've also got graduation presents to work on for Rebecca and Melissa. That's been hard. That's made things harder. It's weird that they are graduating. I've spent 4 years investing in these two girls, and they have just made me so proud. I know that Friday will be rough, but I also know that they are entering a new and exciting phase of their lives and I am just so excited for them.

Shout out to Rebecca Burris who is not only in the top 10 of her class, but holds the #2 spot. I'm so proud of you, Rebecca. ;)

Disgusting

Well........I'm a college graduate.

Graduation: While walking up to the IU Auditorium, I could hear bagpipes. As I turned the corner I noticed that there was in fact a man in a kilt, play the bagpipes. I guess that was to class it up a bit. I stood in line with some rather interesting people. In fact, I sat next to a feisty Bulgarian woman. That was entertaining. While in line, the people around me wanted to know what G5.1 stood for. Here's how that conversation went: Random girl:"What is G51?"  Me:"It's G5.1."  RG: jokingly, "Oh. Was that your GPA? You little over achiever, you."  Me:"Oh yea."  RG:"How did you manage that?"  Me: jokingly, "I slept with all my professors."  Then, I tried to explain that G5.1 was a rap group that my cousin and I started together. That he was graduating that night too, and that's why it said Ebony & Ivory. He was Ebony and I was Ivory. They found the truth to be even more ridiculous then the lie.

Disgusting Story: So my Mammaw was up for graduation, and was talking about puking. (I know I gave you a heads up.) Anyway, ever since then I've been thinking about the same thing over and over again. During Spring Break my junior year of high school myself, Erin, and Ashton were going to Bloomington to find prom shoes for Erin. Erin and I had already eaten, but Ashton wanted us to go through Taco Bell and get him some food. He got his 3 soft tacos, and we were on our way. Well, Erin was really sensitive to smells, and she just couldn't handle the smell of Ashton's tacos. As we turned onto the highway, we rolled down the windows so she could get some air. However, that apparently wasn't enough. She threw up out the window, and it went all over my back window, right next to where Ashton was sitting, eating his tacos. I'm one of those people if I see it, I'm gonna do it and I did. I'm driving on 37, puking in my lap and Erin is puking out the side of the car. And Ashton is sitting in the back seat, eating his tacos. I pulled over to the side of the road and tried to gain my composure, because not only was a puking but I was laughing. It was a mess. I eventually got myself together, and we pulled over in Oolitic at this gas station. I got out of the car, and the guys in the truck next to us said, "Taco Bell?" The three of us together, "Yep." After we, and by we I mean Ashton, cleaned up some of the puke we decided that we were going to need to clean my car out. Once again, by we, I mean Ashton and Erin cleaned out my car. We get to the car wash and they hose out my car, and then they hose me down. Then they made me walk to Kmart to purchase an outfit that was not covered in water and puke, while they drove my car. Oh....Fond memories.

I don't know why that is so vivid in my head. It makes me laugh every time I think about it because it was just so ridiculous. The mental picture of it is just insane. God must have been like, "What are those 3 idiots doing?" Dumb.

Sorry for the disgusting story.

I've started working on graduation videos, and while looking for pictures for mine I came across a lot of interesting things.

1: I found my funeral plans that I made for Tolliver's class, my freshman year of high school. That was a weird feeling. Most of that stuff has changed, but even then I didn't want any flowers or anything sent to the funeral home. I wanted it sent to the American Cancer Society. Weird.
2: I found my high school diploma.
3: I found an e-mail that Mr. Giggy had sent my mother because I was failing English. This was during the "Ashley Phase". Surprise Surprise. It's interesting to look back on my grades and see how awesome I did my freshman year, and see how my grades started to digress when she entered the picture.
4: I found my final from Advance Psychology, which was to write 10 nice things about everyone in the room. Most of mine say something about SADD and me being funny. I had a few people write that I was outspoken and stood my ground, and a couple of people wrote about how I always stood up for the underdog. A ton of people put that I was sarcastic. Who knew? One girl put 'Nice to most people!:)', and then some others put things about how I was brutally honest and told people what I thought of them.

I wasn't exactly the nicest person in high school. I guess it depended on who you were. I did tend to stand up for the underdog, and I did tell people what I thought about them. I'm proud of myself for always taking up for the underdog, but not so much proud of the way I did it. That was then, and this is now. I'm not who I was.

Anyway....

We won our softball game Tuesday night. We are playing much better this year. I had an awesome catch Monday night, and my excitement was clear on my face.

Grades came in. 4.0 for the semester.

I was a little late to work today because I completely forgot about subbing. However, I made it there by 8:35. One kid was like, "How did you get here so fast?" I told him I apparated into the building. I subbed for 3 periods, and I am getting paid for a full day. It's nice.

That's what I have for now. Just a bunch of randomness, but in all fairness that's what this blog is all about.

Magna Cum Laude

What a ridiculous week I've had.

It's finals week which basically means a lot of cramming and very little sleep. On top of that I worked the polls (Shout out to Gerald Tolliver who won the City Council District #2 spot), I've had SADD Board Interviews this week, and I've had various meetings through out the week.

One of the guys working the polls, stood there talking to one of my students about the good ol' days at Mitchell High School. I heard him say, "My time at MHS was the high light of my life." He was missing some teeth. My reply, "I bet it was."

It's a little weird that it's time for SADD Interviews to be happening. It's also weird to be the one conducting the interviews. It's weird being the one in charge. It's crazy to think I left 5 years ago with the intent to come back and be the next Gerald Tolliver, and that I actually came back and became the sponsor of SADD. That's half of the original plan.

Five years ago I graduated from Mitchell and moved to Terre Haute to attend ISU for social studies education. I was miserable. Of course, why wouldn't I have been? That was a half assed decision that I made based around a girl. (That whole story is a little too long to share here. If you want to know that part of my story, then you can ask me.) Then from ISU I went to USI for Radio/TV. Once again, I was miserable. I was still in a bit of a funk from the previous 4 years. That's when I made the decision to come home.

I came home feeling so defeated. I had failed. I had failed my parents, all those who had invested in me, and more importantly, I failed myself.

It didn't make feel any better to hear people (people who had no business having an opinion on my life) tell me how disappointed they were in me. How taking a year off would mean that I would never go back and that I would end up staying in Mitchell forever, working for minimum wage. That made me feel really warm and fuzzy inside.

I was determined that wouldn't happen to me.


Not only did I go back to school, but I kicked ass doing it. Say what you want about Ivy Tech, I don't really care. I've spent my time here working my butt off, and it has paid off.

Next Friday, I will be graduating Magna Cum Laude (with high honors).

In the end the only thing that matters is that I have accomplished something that I can be proud of.

The past 3 years have been exciting and frustrating and full of so much growth. I came home defeated and I will be leaving redeemed.

Side Note: I'd like to point out that Destiny turned 8 this week. I may have been emotional. Haha. I love that kid so much.