I've felt alot of emotions over the past few months. Some excitement and a lot of exhaustion. Anger, sadness, pride.
Most days I either feel really worthless or really useful. Not a whole lot of middle ground.
Believe it or not my selfworth is pretty low.
I'm really hard on myself though. So I realize that the way I see things aren't always true. Thats cause Satan likes to try and trip me up. He is tricky like that.
Despite the fact that I am a huge procrastinator, I'm doing really well in my classes. I've had to work my butt off and work harder than I ever have before, but I am doing well. I know I have at least one reader who thinks Ivy Tech is a joke, but it is school and you still have to work to get good grades.
I was in Nashville last weekend for a 'Random Dissappearance'. While I was there, I met with some different people at Lipscomb. It went really well. I found out that I will be able to get more scholarships than I thought so I was pretty pumped about that. Plus I got to spend the weekend with CallieAnn and Nikki. Plus I got to spend time with JB and Liz, who might be two of the funniest people I know.
Sometimes I feel guilty for wanting more than this town. Sometimes that is my own doing and sometimes its the doing of the people around me. I get mixed comments on me attending Lipscomb. Some peopl are questionable about it because I've never finished anything I started, and it would be an expensive mistake. Some people just don't want me to leave. Some don't want me at Lipscomb. While others think its a great idea, and that I'm doing the right thing. Not only with going to Lipscomb, but with finishing at Ivy Tech. I'm taking the steps I need to be taking, and I'm putting the time into it.
I just really want to be away from this place. Most days I feel alone. I don't really have any friends that around. I just don't fit here. I'm sure thats just Satan getting in my head again. But thats what I feel like most days. A miss fit.
Anyway.....bummer of a post. But there are good things happening right now. Things to look forward to. Goals to push towards. I just have to keep pushing.
Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming.
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