"Let the drummer kick that."

Mr. Tolliver died Thursday.

I woke up Friday morning to be phone blowing up from various people. I finally decided to answer when I saw that it was my mother calling me. She said, "I wanted to talk to you before you got on facebook." To which I said, "What happened?" "Mr. Tolliver died in his sleep last night."

Needless to say I was a mess. It took me a while to gain my composer enough to call into work and to get myself ready. I know how awful this sounds, but it's the truth. I'm more upset about losing him then I was about losing my grandfather. And let's be honest. He was the closest thing I had to a grandfather in this town. It's like losing three grandfather's in one year.

I took Tolliver's class my freshman year of high school, and had I not taken it then my high school career would've looked vastly different. Going into my freshman year, I went out for the SADD board but didn't make it. Tolliver encouraged me all year to stay involved in all the various activities SADD had. When it came time to go out for the board again, he really pushed me to go out for it again.

I knew going into it, that I had it. I realize that sounds cocky, but if Tolliver wanted you on the board, you were on the board. Regardless of what the officers wanted. I then went on to become the Vice-President, and then President.

When I graduated, I left with the intention to become the next Gerald Tolliver. I went to Indiana State (Tolliver's ado moder) as a Social Studies Ed major. I had even talked to Tolliver about when he planned on retiring. Now, I may not have continued with Social Studies Ed, but I did do half of what I set out to do which was to take over SADD when he retired.

SADD and Gerald Tolliver were a big part of my high school career. I was Tolliver's student helper my junior and senior years of high school. I hated my 6th period class my senior year, so I would go to Tolliver's room everyday during that class and then I was his student helper for 7th period. I basically spent the last half of my day in that room.

Tolliver was one of the few teachers I had that I was positive cared about who Lindsay Slone was, and who I was going to become. Even after graduating we stayed in touch. He knew my life better than most, and he always encouraged me to keep pushing forward.

I truly loved him, and my heart is broken. He will be missed greatly.

Somethings I learned from Gerald Tolliver:
-Culture is the way of life of a group of people.
-Norms are group shared rules of behavior.
-Anyways is not a word. It is anyway.
-"To be early is to be on time. To be on time is to be late. To be late, is to be left behind."
-I was worth something to someone.
-"Do what's best for the students. People are always going to be critical of what you are doing, but remember why you are there. Put the students first."

Six Weeks Is Too Long

I got to see my girls this weekend!

It had been almost 2 months since I had seen Lydia, 6 weeks since I had seen Rebecca and Melissa, and 5 weeks since I had seen Alayna. Needless to say I jumped each of them when I saw them. Melissa might of had her head smack off the wall, and I might of slightly knocked the wind out of Rebecca. Whoopsie. They're fine. It's fine.

It was a crazy busy weekend, but I loved it. I got time with both Moyra and Seb. I got to have dinner with Ashton. I got to hangout with Michele. I had breakfast with my parents, and I actually got to see Jennifer. Crazy. And.....I got to sleep in a real bed. It was a good weekend.

Friday, I went to the pep session at the high school. It wasn't what I expected, which is a good thing. It started off with the band leading a parade through the high school. I thought that was pretty cool. The teachers did a flash mob, and almost all the teachers participated. Even the ones who usually don't participate in fun. Then they played a teacher volleyball game. It was slightly entertaining.

The reason I went to the pep session is because SADD was a having a "Kiss the Pig" contest. The teacher that raised the most money would have to kiss a pig. In my head I pictured a baby pig, but this thing was huge. It was actually one of the SADD Sponsors that had to kiss it. Things seem to be going really well with SADD this year, and I'm so happy about that. I'm glad it was left in good hands.

This is going to be another crazy week. Em's wedding is this weekend so the week will consist of taking care of all the last minute things. I can't wait for the wedding though. We have a stretch Hummer to take us from the church to the reception. It's going to be a good night.

Now to go and try to be productive.

Reality? What's that?

I finally found an appropriate sized bowl for my air popped popcorn. And it's green, so double win.

I'm sitting here with my delicious popcorn, listening to some Glee, and enjoying some alone time.

Sometimes in life, you just need a time out. I need some time to just chill and clear my head. There is so much crap going through my mind, that it's hard to process everything or think clearly. For example: Today while at Walmart, I went to the bathroom. I walked in and was like "Where are all the stalls?". It was then that I noticed the urinals. AND the whole 1st week of being here, I could not get my key to go into the lock of my apartment. It was so frustrating. I finally threw my keys and told my roommate to figure it out. That's when I found out I had been using my key to the church building to try to get into my apartment. I've been so scatter brained.

I went home this past weekend because 1) CallieAnn was going to be in Mitchell and 2) it was going to be my last chance for a while. Within the first hour of being in Mitchell, I remembered why I fought so hard to get out of there. The weekend wasn't necessarily bad. In fact, I got to visit with some people who really made me feel better about life. Those people are a real encouragement to me. I got to surprise Moyra, and I jumped on Seb when I saw him. We got to have some really good cousin time with just the three of us. I missed those two like crazy.

I did get to return here with a slightly different mind set. Sometimes it just takes saying things out loud, to help you sort through things and get a different perspective. I'm done sitting here, stressing about life. I could let all this stuff cut me down, or I could get up and do something about it. I'm choosing to do something about it. I'm going to work hard this semester and get a kick ass GPA. I'm going to work and save money, so that I can get an apartment next year. (Planning for the future. Very adult of me. Ha!) I'm going to enjoy the time I have with my friends here. I'm going to start working on my relationship with God, and let that be what drives me. It's time to stop letting other things decide my outlook. It's time to do something different.

Today is Melissa's 19th birthday. Happy Birthday to my adopted Little Sister. I love you!

(The picture is from Monday morning. Dad made french toast for breakfast. Yum!)

Backtracking

Sometimes, life doesn't go as you planned it.

I was suppose to move to Nashville Saturday; however, instead I moved back to Evansville.

I won't get into all the logistics of that mess, but I will say money is a bitch. I'm not going to lie, I'm more than a little bitter about being here. I didn't leave USI because I didn't like it. I left because I didn't do well and needed to get my act together, which I did. I just graduated Magna Cum Laude and have come back to a place where I am on academic probation. It's hard for me to wrap my mind around that. I didn't want to have to come back here because it is a constant reminder of my failures. I put all that past me, and yet here I am reliving it. It's hard for me to get past that.

I will say I felt a little better about life after I went to class. It wasn't because it was a particularly interesting class. It helped put things back into perspective for me, and remind me why I am here. I do have a goal, and I just have to keep pushing through so I can accomplish it. I kind of feel like this was God's way of telling me that I need to finish something I start.

I rarely stick with the things I start. I was always taught that when things get difficult it's best to give up and walk away. I'm still trying to get out of that. The two things I have stuck with the longest have been subbing at Mitchell, and helping with the youth group at the MCOC. I just have to keep reminding myself why I am here. There is a goal.

I had the option of staying home another semester, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I did find out that I would've had a place to live so that I could be a real adult; however, I was offered that about a week too late. To be honest, I think had I stayed, I wouldn't have finished school at all. I had to do this, even if it isn't the ideal situation. At least I'm fighting for something I want. At least I'm actually setting goals and making every effort to accomplish them. I have come a long way in the past three years. I just have to apply all that here this time around.

Already today, I have run into 5 of my former students and both of my cousins. Every time I ran into a student I just said, "Surprise!". Sigh.

Pluses of being back in Evansville:
1) I'm not in Mitchell.
2) I'm working towards a goal.
3) One of my best friends is here.

I'm sure I'll think of other pluses at some point, but that's what you get for now. I have to make the best out of this crummy situation. Stay posted.

Pappaw

Sometimes, I find it difficult to find the right words to start these things.

My grandfather died last Monday.

It was my mother's father, Walter Brown, and he is the 2nd grandfather I have lost in a 4 month period.

Needless to say, it was a rough week. I wasn't so much concerned with myself on this one. I was more concerned about my mother and sister. I think that's what got me the most. To watch Jennifer, Thursday during the funeral, was probably the most heart wrenching of all. She was really close to Pappaw, and you could feel her heart break. I think that was the hardest part for me.

I'm not sure how long ago it was, but some time ago we found out that Pappaw had a brain tumor. At the time that we found out is when Pappaw Joe was getting worst, and I was still trying to deal with that. I don't do well with watching people suffer. It's harder to watch people suffer then it is to deal with their death. To be honest, it was all too overwhelming; knowing that I was going to lose both of my grandfathers soon.

A couple weeks ago, my mother was pretty instant about me going to say my goodbyes to Pappaw. That's not an easy thing to do. With Pappaw Joe, every time you left was your last goodbye. You just didn't know. Thankfully, I have a very thoughtful friend who offered to go down with me so I didn't have to go alone. Saying goodbye is never an easy thing to do.

I had a couple of people who checked in on me last week, which was very much appreciated. I also had some friends who helped provide some distraction for me. I did the video for the funeral, and I was a pallbearer; so it was good to have people to distract me for a while.

After the funeral, I headed to Nashville to see the girls. I had a good drive down. It was nice to have some time to myself to think and process everything. Being with those girls is just what I needed. I missed them. Melissa and Rebecca had been gone for almost two weeks, and it was killing me.

I met with my advisor Friday morning to get my classes set up. I have a pretty kick ass schedule. 4 theatre classes, weight training, the story of Jesus, chapel, and my practicum which is sets. I mean, I'm pretty excited about it. It's a great schedule to get me back into the swing of a real school.

Friday, Alayna and I headed back home. We got to have a good chat on the way home. I mean if you have to make a long car trip with someone, Alayna Super might be a good person to do that with. The reason she came home early is because she was invited to play in the East-West All-Star Game. She played really well. Kind of proud of that kid.

By now you should know that I like to brag on these kids.

Today I was reading back through some of my 'notes' on facebook. I spent 2009 writing down a list of things I was thankful for every week. It was kind of crazy to go back a read through all of that. I talked alot about the girls, and the people had been influential to me. Almost every week had something in there about Beth Parsley and Kedra Burris. I talked alot about getting the job at the Lighthouse and how excited I was about it, and as the year went on you can see how it started to go down hill; even in the beginning stages. I talked about Katie and how much I liked working with her. On one account I talked about how we got in trouble for talking and giggling with one another while working. It's not that we weren't working, we were, but Keith didn't like us to associate with the other employees. I'm pretty sure he fears there being a revolt against him. I also talked about subbing and the beginning stages of G5.1. I talked about my first visit to Lipscomb and how weird it was that I went on a college visit there, but that it was a school worth considering. I also talked alot about how God was being faithful to me even though I was struggling with life. It's crazy how things turned out. Looking at how things were then, and how they are now. To see that process is neat.

I think I'm going to start writing down the things I am thankful for everyday. A lot of times I find myself just focusing on the negative, and I don't take the time to look at the positive and thank God for those things. It will be good for me start journaling again anyway, and since Senora bought me a really nice leather journal for graduation, I can use that.

Reader's think about the things you are thankful for, even the little things. Sometimes the little things make all the difference.