Six Weeks Is Too Long

I got to see my girls this weekend!

It had been almost 2 months since I had seen Lydia, 6 weeks since I had seen Rebecca and Melissa, and 5 weeks since I had seen Alayna. Needless to say I jumped each of them when I saw them. Melissa might of had her head smack off the wall, and I might of slightly knocked the wind out of Rebecca. Whoopsie. They're fine. It's fine.

It was a crazy busy weekend, but I loved it. I got time with both Moyra and Seb. I got to have dinner with Ashton. I got to hangout with Michele. I had breakfast with my parents, and I actually got to see Jennifer. Crazy. And.....I got to sleep in a real bed. It was a good weekend.

Friday, I went to the pep session at the high school. It wasn't what I expected, which is a good thing. It started off with the band leading a parade through the high school. I thought that was pretty cool. The teachers did a flash mob, and almost all the teachers participated. Even the ones who usually don't participate in fun. Then they played a teacher volleyball game. It was slightly entertaining.

The reason I went to the pep session is because SADD was a having a "Kiss the Pig" contest. The teacher that raised the most money would have to kiss a pig. In my head I pictured a baby pig, but this thing was huge. It was actually one of the SADD Sponsors that had to kiss it. Things seem to be going really well with SADD this year, and I'm so happy about that. I'm glad it was left in good hands.

This is going to be another crazy week. Em's wedding is this weekend so the week will consist of taking care of all the last minute things. I can't wait for the wedding though. We have a stretch Hummer to take us from the church to the reception. It's going to be a good night.

Now to go and try to be productive.

Reality? What's that?

I finally found an appropriate sized bowl for my air popped popcorn. And it's green, so double win.

I'm sitting here with my delicious popcorn, listening to some Glee, and enjoying some alone time.

Sometimes in life, you just need a time out. I need some time to just chill and clear my head. There is so much crap going through my mind, that it's hard to process everything or think clearly. For example: Today while at Walmart, I went to the bathroom. I walked in and was like "Where are all the stalls?". It was then that I noticed the urinals. AND the whole 1st week of being here, I could not get my key to go into the lock of my apartment. It was so frustrating. I finally threw my keys and told my roommate to figure it out. That's when I found out I had been using my key to the church building to try to get into my apartment. I've been so scatter brained.

I went home this past weekend because 1) CallieAnn was going to be in Mitchell and 2) it was going to be my last chance for a while. Within the first hour of being in Mitchell, I remembered why I fought so hard to get out of there. The weekend wasn't necessarily bad. In fact, I got to visit with some people who really made me feel better about life. Those people are a real encouragement to me. I got to surprise Moyra, and I jumped on Seb when I saw him. We got to have some really good cousin time with just the three of us. I missed those two like crazy.

I did get to return here with a slightly different mind set. Sometimes it just takes saying things out loud, to help you sort through things and get a different perspective. I'm done sitting here, stressing about life. I could let all this stuff cut me down, or I could get up and do something about it. I'm choosing to do something about it. I'm going to work hard this semester and get a kick ass GPA. I'm going to work and save money, so that I can get an apartment next year. (Planning for the future. Very adult of me. Ha!) I'm going to enjoy the time I have with my friends here. I'm going to start working on my relationship with God, and let that be what drives me. It's time to stop letting other things decide my outlook. It's time to do something different.

Today is Melissa's 19th birthday. Happy Birthday to my adopted Little Sister. I love you!

(The picture is from Monday morning. Dad made french toast for breakfast. Yum!)

Backtracking

Sometimes, life doesn't go as you planned it.

I was suppose to move to Nashville Saturday; however, instead I moved back to Evansville.

I won't get into all the logistics of that mess, but I will say money is a bitch. I'm not going to lie, I'm more than a little bitter about being here. I didn't leave USI because I didn't like it. I left because I didn't do well and needed to get my act together, which I did. I just graduated Magna Cum Laude and have come back to a place where I am on academic probation. It's hard for me to wrap my mind around that. I didn't want to have to come back here because it is a constant reminder of my failures. I put all that past me, and yet here I am reliving it. It's hard for me to get past that.

I will say I felt a little better about life after I went to class. It wasn't because it was a particularly interesting class. It helped put things back into perspective for me, and remind me why I am here. I do have a goal, and I just have to keep pushing through so I can accomplish it. I kind of feel like this was God's way of telling me that I need to finish something I start.

I rarely stick with the things I start. I was always taught that when things get difficult it's best to give up and walk away. I'm still trying to get out of that. The two things I have stuck with the longest have been subbing at Mitchell, and helping with the youth group at the MCOC. I just have to keep reminding myself why I am here. There is a goal.

I had the option of staying home another semester, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I did find out that I would've had a place to live so that I could be a real adult; however, I was offered that about a week too late. To be honest, I think had I stayed, I wouldn't have finished school at all. I had to do this, even if it isn't the ideal situation. At least I'm fighting for something I want. At least I'm actually setting goals and making every effort to accomplish them. I have come a long way in the past three years. I just have to apply all that here this time around.

Already today, I have run into 5 of my former students and both of my cousins. Every time I ran into a student I just said, "Surprise!". Sigh.

Pluses of being back in Evansville:
1) I'm not in Mitchell.
2) I'm working towards a goal.
3) One of my best friends is here.

I'm sure I'll think of other pluses at some point, but that's what you get for now. I have to make the best out of this crummy situation. Stay posted.

Pappaw

Sometimes, I find it difficult to find the right words to start these things.

My grandfather died last Monday.

It was my mother's father, Walter Brown, and he is the 2nd grandfather I have lost in a 4 month period.

Needless to say, it was a rough week. I wasn't so much concerned with myself on this one. I was more concerned about my mother and sister. I think that's what got me the most. To watch Jennifer, Thursday during the funeral, was probably the most heart wrenching of all. She was really close to Pappaw, and you could feel her heart break. I think that was the hardest part for me.

I'm not sure how long ago it was, but some time ago we found out that Pappaw had a brain tumor. At the time that we found out is when Pappaw Joe was getting worst, and I was still trying to deal with that. I don't do well with watching people suffer. It's harder to watch people suffer then it is to deal with their death. To be honest, it was all too overwhelming; knowing that I was going to lose both of my grandfathers soon.

A couple weeks ago, my mother was pretty instant about me going to say my goodbyes to Pappaw. That's not an easy thing to do. With Pappaw Joe, every time you left was your last goodbye. You just didn't know. Thankfully, I have a very thoughtful friend who offered to go down with me so I didn't have to go alone. Saying goodbye is never an easy thing to do.

I had a couple of people who checked in on me last week, which was very much appreciated. I also had some friends who helped provide some distraction for me. I did the video for the funeral, and I was a pallbearer; so it was good to have people to distract me for a while.

After the funeral, I headed to Nashville to see the girls. I had a good drive down. It was nice to have some time to myself to think and process everything. Being with those girls is just what I needed. I missed them. Melissa and Rebecca had been gone for almost two weeks, and it was killing me.

I met with my advisor Friday morning to get my classes set up. I have a pretty kick ass schedule. 4 theatre classes, weight training, the story of Jesus, chapel, and my practicum which is sets. I mean, I'm pretty excited about it. It's a great schedule to get me back into the swing of a real school.

Friday, Alayna and I headed back home. We got to have a good chat on the way home. I mean if you have to make a long car trip with someone, Alayna Super might be a good person to do that with. The reason she came home early is because she was invited to play in the East-West All-Star Game. She played really well. Kind of proud of that kid.

By now you should know that I like to brag on these kids.

Today I was reading back through some of my 'notes' on facebook. I spent 2009 writing down a list of things I was thankful for every week. It was kind of crazy to go back a read through all of that. I talked alot about the girls, and the people had been influential to me. Almost every week had something in there about Beth Parsley and Kedra Burris. I talked alot about getting the job at the Lighthouse and how excited I was about it, and as the year went on you can see how it started to go down hill; even in the beginning stages. I talked about Katie and how much I liked working with her. On one account I talked about how we got in trouble for talking and giggling with one another while working. It's not that we weren't working, we were, but Keith didn't like us to associate with the other employees. I'm pretty sure he fears there being a revolt against him. I also talked about subbing and the beginning stages of G5.1. I talked about my first visit to Lipscomb and how weird it was that I went on a college visit there, but that it was a school worth considering. I also talked alot about how God was being faithful to me even though I was struggling with life. It's crazy how things turned out. Looking at how things were then, and how they are now. To see that process is neat.

I think I'm going to start writing down the things I am thankful for everyday. A lot of times I find myself just focusing on the negative, and I don't take the time to look at the positive and thank God for those things. It will be good for me start journaling again anyway, and since Senora bought me a really nice leather journal for graduation, I can use that.

Reader's think about the things you are thankful for, even the little things. Sometimes the little things make all the difference.

SADD

So the last 2 weeks have just been a blur. They've been filled with graduation and graduation parties, working a wedding, college week of camp, softball games, editing pictures, working on school stuff, looking for a "real" job, a boat trip, Safe Night, Relay for Life, and some great hangout time with friends.

I feel like I need a time out.

Last night was Relay for Life, and it was my last night with my students. Unfortunately, we had storms coming and I didn't feel comfortable having a group of teenagers out in the middle of that. I haven't decided if that was me being responsible or me being a pansy. Don't get me wrong, I love storms. Just not so much when other people's children are out in the middle of it.

Last year at Rivervale, Tolliver had brought up the possibility that he would not be returning in the fall due to his eyesight getting worse. It was then that he asked the kids who they thought would be a good replacement. A lot of names got thrown out and shot down for various reasons. So I told Tolliver that I would be home for another year, and if it came down to it that Tyler Phillips and I could just co-sponsor. He was on board with that, and the kids were happy with that.

The day before school starts, I find out that Tolliver is not coming back and neither is Tyler. I chose to continue with the process for two reasons. 1) SADD has always had a special place in my life, and I didn't want to see it fall into the wrong hands. I think had I not become so involved with it while I was in high school, my life could have easily looked very different. 2) I made a commitment to not only these kids, but to Gerald Tolliver. You can say what you want about him, but he played an important role in my high school career and I have a lot of respect for him because of that. He was one of the few teachers that cared about me not only as a student but as a person.

I went into this with very little information, and really I was going off of things we had done five years ago. Luckily, I had Evie Sehr as my president. She was my right arm the whole year. I didn't need to ask her to do anything because by the time I would ask she would already have it done or be working on it. She might be the best president since Libby Allen herself. You're probably like, "Wait a minute, Lindsay. Weren't you the president of SADD?" I was, and as Tolliver has said I was one of the best. However, I was also power hungry. I had a passion for SADD and I really wanted to see great things happen, but my methods were not the best. I developed a couple of nicknames that year. One being Hitler. I actually had one of my freshman board members go home after Rivervale and tell her family that I was Hitler. The other was a five letter word that I think people were afraid to say to my face. I've said this before, I wasn't the nicest person in high school. Not proud of that fact, but there it is.

I knew that I would only be able to sponsor SADD for the year due to that whole me not being a "real" teacher thing, and that I would be leaving to finish my education else where. I started looking for my replacement very early in the school year. I started paying closer attention to the faculty at MHS. It helped that I was a sub because I got to hear not only the faculties view of each other, but the students' view of the faculty. Whoever took this over needed to have the respect of not only the rest of the faculty, but of the students. Those kids won't work for people they don't respect.

Next years sponsors are Jessica Morgan and Megan Elgin. The days that I would sub for Morgan were some of the few times that the kids would complain about having a sub. I had always heard good things not only from the faculty but from the students about her, and I knew that she was someone who actually cared about these kids. When I first got hired on as the sponsor, Megan was 1 of 2 faculty members that sent me a message congratulating me. She had told me then that if I ever needed help to let her know. I didn't have a lot of faculty initiative. Everyone wanted to complain about the various issues, but very few actually tried to be part of the solution. So I was appreciative and impressed that she offered to step up and be part of the solution.

I'm excited for next year. It's hard to leave, but I know that this organization and the students involved are being left in good hands. That gives me a little piece of mind.