Gonna Be A Girl Fight

I attempted to break up a fight at school today.

Reinforcement had to come in though because I am in fact a whimp and was having trouble controling my giggles.

Two girls were fightening over a boy. STUPID. It was intense, and awkward, and made me giggle.

I don't do awkward well. Don't get me wrong. I love creating awkwardness for other people, but I don't care much for it when I am involved.

Tonight I got to have dinner with Lydia Anderson. It was her graduation present. Only 6 months late, but better late then never. We then preceeded to meet up with the Gray Children for coffee.

I love caffiene. I drank ridiculous amounts of it on a daily basis. I don't sleep. Probably due to the caffiene, but then I need the caffiene to go me through the day because I in fact don't sleep. It's a ficious cycle.

I signed up for classes yesterday......I am for real ready to be done with all of this. Be done with this place. My life is ridiculous right now. I need a time out. I just want to find a corner and stand in it for a little while.

Welp....I'm making chex mix, and my caffiene induced headache is telling me to stop looking at things that involve light. Sooo......Goodnight.

Waking Up To Paper Cranes

I have no sense of belonging.

I'm in a place where I don't feel like I belong.

A place where I don't feel like I'm wanted.

Logic tells me that is untrue. But I feel differently, and my brain tends to take an idea and run with it. I am never alone. I don't even remember the last time I was completely alone. But even though I'm surrounded by so many people I feel alone.

Two things have been playing in mind for the past week or so. Things that where said to me from different people. The first being from a girl in the youth group. While we where at winterfest, Jeff did this whole emotional ceremonial washing of the feet thing and told the kids that they could wash their youth workers feet. I had a few people who offered to do that for me. But one girl stuck out. We were at dinner, and she pulled out her hand sanitizer and said, "I won't wash your feet, but I will wash your hands." When that popped into my head this week I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Now, the second being from the mother of a kid from the youth group. She sent me an encouragement card, and in it she said that I was being a good example for very watch full eyes. The 'very watch full eyes' part is what keeps playing in my head.

I just feel like I am not being a good example. I let myself get stressed really easily. Over little things. And I also let the way other people treat me or talk to me affect my mood. And lately, I just don't feel like anyone wants to be around me. I feel like a complete failure.

See what I mean. I let my mind run away with things until I feel like crap. I don't really know what to do about it.

The past couple weekends I have spent some time in Nashville, Tennessee. The more time I spend there the more I love it. I'm in the process of deciding whether to go to Lipscomb or not. I'm currently 43% sure that is where I should be. I'm in the process of making a list of the good things and the bad things about it. I need to be positive that is where I am suppose to be before I do anything about it. Right now I just plan on making more trips to Nashville to spend sometime around campus to get a better feel for the place. Don't worry. I'm going to look into other schools too. I'm not sure where I am suppose to be.

I don't know where I belong. (See the vicious cycle.)

Running with the shadows of the night

I've been running.

It's weird. I mean really intensely weird. I don't run. Not unless I am being chased, and even then its iffy.

I've been really stressed out lately. Mostly due to money issues, and partly to that whole 'whats my purpose?' thing. I go through that everyone once in awhile. Feeling completely useless. My heart tells me I'm not, but my head likes to think I am. And well....money is always an issue with me. I'm hoping that one day money won't be an issue for me or my children. One day.

Anyway, back to the whole running thing. Sometimes I just feel the need to run. Like all this built up frustration needs an outlet. So it was either run or go off on everyone around me. And I didn't want to do that. That wouldn't be fair to anyone around me. So....I ran. I run now. Thats what I do. Run.

Fall Retreat was this weekend. My step-sister, Kayla, came. I think she had a good time. She seemed excited when she was telling her mom about the weekend. I'm not sure if she got anything from it spiritually, but it was an opportunity for her to spend time with me. She seemed to really like Melissa and Addy. She liked all the girls, but those two she was really excited about telling her mother about. I'm glad that she was there.

I also got a chance to spend sometime with some new girls. Addy and Jocelyn. I really enjoy these girls. I'm looking forward to getting to know them better. I really enjoyed getting to watch all the girls spend time with one another. You can see the bonds that are forming with them. I'm really excited about that, and excited to see what's going to happen in the next few months.

(Random: Ran into the scary clown from the festival tonight, only he was in his human wear.)

I have a lot of thoughts in my head right now, but they will have to wait. Till next time readers.

She works hard for the money

Monday I subbed for Kent Ramey. Which meant freshman boys PE. It was an intensely bad day. I had to have Mr. Vandeventer come down 4th period because those boys were so out of control. I've never done that before. Never sent anyone to him. It was that intensely bad.

I then went to work where all my lovely people came to get smoothies. I'm good for business. I made a lot of smoothies, and one really big mess. I did clean up after myself though. Work has been good the past couple times I've been there. I've stayed busy. I like it when I stay busy. Plus Em came just to see me. I love her for many reasons.

I went on a college visit to Lipscomb University today. (I know. We jumped a day or two. Stick with me.) It went well. The school is worth considering. I went to a theater tech class, where I learned about tools and what they get used for. And I sat in on a media history class with Rebecca, where we learned about P.T. Barnums. The man was fascinating. You should research him. I think I am going to, and then I'll probably blog about it.

I've had a ridiculous amount of caffeine today. I've been up for over 20 hours. I. Need. Sleep.

She works hard for the money, so you better treat her right.

How do you say 'white trash' in sign language?

Today I was at work, minding my own business when a clown walks in. His name was Axel. Clowns freak me out a little. In all seriousness. I remand as calm as possible. Didn't make any sudden movements. He was there because he was with people who were there for the sign language class. He chose not to participate. He did show me how to say 'white trash' in sign language. I didn't exactly ask him too, but it was funny that he knew how to. The phrase I know how to say in sign language is 'your mom is easy'.

I didn't learn what that boys actual name was, but he was a sophomore at Orleans High School. We chatted for a little while. It was a little awkward because he was in fact dressed like a clown. However, he was every bit of 15. He was an interesting

A little girl came over to check on the smoothie shop. She tried to tell me that she was waiting for her mom to get out of sign language class so that she might buy her a smoothie. I couldn't really understand what she was saying. She had trouble speaking and I had trouble hearing. But the conversation ended with her signing something to me. Which I had no idea what she said, but I'm guessing that she was quit possibly deaf. Either that or she thought I was.

We had a group of bikers come in today also. Bikers are always interesting. They are blunt and to the point. They don't mess around. They know what they want and they tell you what they want. Bikers a little intimidating. These bikers were nice though. Which was good because they hit me at once, so they had to practice patients with me while I made their smoothies.

I had several people come in today. My Moomee and dad brought my mammaw into see me. They hadn't been in the smoothie shop before. Then the Parsley's came into see me. I like the Parsleys. CallieAnn came into see me too.

It was a good day. Exhausting day, but good. I mainly ran on lots of caffeine. However, it is 9:12, and I am in bed ready to go to sleep. I. Am. Sleepy. Goodnight, Readers!